Posts tagged ‘motherhood’

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April 18, 2013

Embracing the Chaos

Note: This column was published in the Barrow Journal on April 17, 2013.

One day when I was pregnant with my first child, I stepped into the entryway of a neighbor’s home. She homeschooled her children, and, in fact, she’s the person I learned about homeschooling from, but at the time, I wasn’t considering homeschooling. I hadn’t even had a child yet.

While I was speaking to her, she excused the state of her household because they had been very busy, and she didn’t have time to clean that day. I had not noticed the interior of her house, but when she said this, I glanced over into her dining room, and I could see her table was littered with toys and other stuff. You couldn’t see the top of her table.

Politely I told her to not worry. I certainly didn’t care, and I didn’t think badly of her for it, but I fully admit that as I walked home, I thought to myself, “I’ll never let my house get THAT messy.”

Yes, what a jerk I was! It seems to be an epidemic among some childless people. And once multiple children arrive, especially if there are some boys in the mix, you shake your head and think, “Now I know. Now I know.”

And I know too well. Most days, chaos reigns in this house. Every tabletop is strewn with toys, and the floor doesn’t look much better. The activity room is usually covered with some kind of project, such as paints, markers, stencils, sewing kits, Legos, glitter, or a combination of those. Glitter is permanently embedded into our floors.

Before I had children, my porches were filled with potted plants. Now they are dusty, muddy and full of dirty toys. The yard of my dreams has taken a huge beating, and our big “puppy” has pulled up garden borders. We’ve always had two dogs, and I never thought a different dog could possibly make things any worse, but this one has. She brings mud into the house, and the boys’ shoes track mud in behind her.

I clean, I straighten, I mop, and the boys know how to pick up their toys, but none of that matters. In five minutes, the mess will be back where it was before. My attention is diverted from one person, activity, chore, or “fire” to put out all day long. There’s no quitting time, few breaks, and no weekends. It’s enough to make a mama a little nutty.

I won’t lie and say it hasn’t caused me frustration and fatigue, but after almost seven years of child rearing, I can say I’m embracing the chaos. I picked this life. I better embrace it.

I was chatting with a friend today about how it’s easy to let “perfect” people get into your brain. You feel their criticism and sense that they’re looking at you down their noses. But in reality, that person has barely given you a moment’s thought. You’re the one who is criticizing what you deem to be an imperfect life.

I’m sorry to say that I’m guilty of this, but I’m trying to turn over a new leaf. I’m exorcising those self-appointed critics, and I’m reminding myself why I love the glitter and the mud. I got into this homeschooling gig because I wanted my kids to have more time to play, create, move, and think independently. And I get paid by living a fun, creative life.

Sometimes moms feel like we have no time to do it all, but actually, there will always be time to clean the house because the house will always need cleaning. What we don’t want to do is miss the moments with our kids as they grow, get paint in their eyes, and mud in their hair. We don’t want to miss a single, sweaty hug. Their three-year-old giggles won’t be here tomorrow, and once they’re gone, they’re gone forever.

A lot of older people say that they wish they had spent more time at home than at the office. The time goes so fast. At least I know that won’t be me. If I have any regrets, it won’t be that one. Nothing worthwhile is neat and tidy.

Be sure to check out Embracing the Chaos, Part 2 where I explain exactly how I’m handling the chaos!  And please tell me, are YOU embracing the chaos in your life? 

Posted in Homeschooling, Motherhood, My Newspaper Columns | 11 Comments »

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March 15, 2013

No Spring Break

Note: This column was published in the Barrow Journal on March 13, 2013.

Last week was my husband’s spring break, so we had planned some family excursions. Unfortunately, the six-year-old came down with a nasty stomach virus, and as I write this, the three-year-old is sniffling and sneezing.

My six-year-old was camped out on the sofa for four days, and more than one day I felt my blood pressure quicken while listening to him moan and try to overcome the nausea. I couldn’t concentrate on anything, and I got so tense watching him lose weight that now I have a muscle spasm in my shoulder.

My heart goes out to parents who are dealing with chronic illnesses in their children.  I can hardly stand to think about stuff like that.

My husband dealt with it in his own way. Not able to concentrate on his work, he busied himself with a different kind of work: cleaning out his upstairs closet. Don’t ask me how it is a man gets to claim a whole other closet as his own while my stuff is crammed into half of our small bedroom closet, but such is the case in our house. (Oh, he likes to tell me I have the bigger dresser, but I remind him that he claimed that extra closet as soon as we moved in. I only got the dresser a couple of years ago.)

He also installed new, more efficient light bulbs throughout our house, and now my bathroom is like walking into the afterlife. We have the sun in our hallway too. Still, I appreciate how he thinks about things like light bulbs and how he uses a busted spring break to clean out his closet.

My three-year-old took advantage of his older brother’s illness by getting me all to himself.  He had me doing big floor puzzles, throwing balls, and coloring big posters of the Dinosaur Train characters.  One morning we colored, painted with watercolors and then made a space shuttle out of clay all in the span of about two hours.

When the six-year-old is sick, I start to realize how helpful Older Brother is regarding spending time and playing with the three-year-old! I promise to never take him for granted again.

I didn’t mind spending all that time with the three-year-old though. It reminded me of the one-on-one time I had with the six-year-old for three years before he was born.  Though I wouldn’t trade either child for anything, there is something sweet about focusing your attention on one child. Noticing his every move. Hearing his every word. Just you and him.

I used to spend so much time outside with my firstborn, exploring our yard and taking hundreds of photos with my first digital point and shoot. Flowers, twigs, bugs and sunshine were our toys. Now I try to get both boys outside playing together while I steal time to myself. If I join them, they compete for my attention, and the sunshine isn’t so relaxing anymore.

When they’re both healthy, there’s always a little friction, but I’m lucky that they get along so well most of the time. They are good companions for one another.

The forecast is predicting warm weather this week. I’m very hopeful that we’ll be healthy again once this goes to print, and we’ll be playing in the yard or taking some kind of excursion.  Spring is peeping its head around the corner, and I’m running to it, arms flailing, ready to embrace it.

How is your spring break going? 

Posted in Life Stories, Motherhood, My Newspaper Columns | 1 Comment »

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January 17, 2013

Winter Habits

Note: This column was printed in the Barrow Journal on January 16, 2013.

When we walk through the woods this time of year, most of the animals and insects are burrowed under the ground or huddled together in whatever holes they can find. My son’s favorite animal, snake, will find a place to burrow underground and sleep through the cold weather. Rabbits and dear don’t hibernate. They’ll be on the lookout all season for any leaves, barks or twigs they can find to eat.

Frogs don’t hibernate either, but they go into a dormant state where they sleep most of the time. They may wake up on warmer days and go out for a bite to eat. They have a chemical in their bloodstream that’s kind of like antifreeze, which is how they can survive the freezes.

The black bears in Georgia are probably sleeping now, and the females may have their babies in the den this winter. The cubs will stay with mama for a year before she urges them to fend for themselves in early spring or summer of next year.

Did you know that this is the time of year that Right Whales migrate from New England to the coasts of Georgia and Florida, and the females will give birth here anytime between December and March?

The squirrels huddle together in their nests on cold days. We can easily see the squirrel’s nests high up in the trees now that the leaves have fallen. Their nests are big and messy, and they have spent the warmer months collecting acorns and other food for the winter. Sometimes they like to bury their food in my garden beds, but they forget about it, and I have to pull the tiny beginnings of trees from the soil in spring.

Many birds are migrating south this time of year, and fortunately for us, Georgia is a winter home for many of them. I’ve spied more hawks sitting on electrical wires along our roads, and my son made a peanut butter/bagel bird feeder in his winter mini-camp that will feed a variety of them. My favorite feathered friend, the northern cardinal, is a year-round resident of Georgia. It’s especially beautiful in the winter, I think, when its red feathers brighten up the brown landscape.

In my house, I have one little boy who refuses to wear coats in the winter, so he prefers to play indoors. The other one (who doesn’t wear shorts in the summer) is happy to wrap up and take a hike during his camp.  But they’re both finding more time to pull out the art supplies and fill one of the walls in our kitchen, a.k.a “the art gallery,” with their masterpieces.

I have a husband who is back at work after a winter break and burrowed in front of his computer screen.

I may not be an animal that hibernates or goes dormant during the cold months, but I sure wish I could.  Usually I crave time spent outside, but lately I’ve been happy to wear my sweats around the house and not get any exercise at all. If it weren’t for the demands of my children, I would probably curl up on the sofa with a good book all day.

I’ve been spending less time on social media, less time reading the news, and generally wanting to get away from my usual habit of doing too much. It’s a good season for that, so I’m just going with it.

Today the weather got a little warmer, though, and I talked my children into going for a walk with me. I pulled the three-year-old in our wagon, and my six-year-old walked beside me, playing make-believe as a he held onto a toy frog.  Both of my boys kept pointing to things as we walked. Two geese flying over our heads, decorative yard art, litter, and a patch of dirt on the road were all topics of conversation.

I love living in Georgia because I can depend on warm spells in winter that will stir me into action. But on the colder days, I’ll have to drag myself out of bed and hope that the enthusiasm of these boys will be enough to rouse this sleepy mama.

Posted in Motherhood, My Newspaper Columns, Nature | 2 Comments »

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January 7, 2013

Worthy Reads

Homeschooling

7 Reasons to Homeschool Through High School – TheHomeSchoolMom.com

Using YouTube for homeschooling – Simple Homeschool – I LOVE YouTube for homeschooling, but I didn’t know you could sign up for YouTube for Schools, which offers more controls over what you can view as stated in this post.  Yay!

Education: Keep it in the family – The Economist

The Itchy Sweater – Creekside Learning – This blogger is writing about her daughter’s difficulty wearing clothes and how she learned that she had Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD).

A Homeschooling Guide To Doing Chemistry – science 2.0

Double income potential for college grads: Homeschoolers lead the ranks – Phoenix Homeschooling Examiner.com

Books featuring homeschoolers – Avant Parenting

Stealth educational choice? – Educating Ourselves : Deseret News

Sorting out the truth and myth in home schooling – The Oregonian

Education

Why Daydreaming Isn’t a Waste of Time – Mindshift

Beyond Strategy and Winning, How Games Teach Kids Empathy – Mindshift

What’s a teacher to do? – The Innovator Educator – “As Papert predicted in 1980, the time has come when some of our students have figured out they don’t need to come to school to learn. They see what is happening in the class as disconnected to what is happening in their world and the carrot of passing the test is no longer enough.”

How to Turn Your Classroom into an Idea Factory – Mindshift

Educating Boys

‘Girls’ better behaviour results in higher grades than boys’ – Education – Scotsman.com – This is an irritating article. Boys are no less well-behaved than girls. They (and some girls) have different needs, including the need for a better learning environment where they can move and do more hands-on activities! This article is from Scotland, but the expert quoted happens to be from a local university.

Please add your Worthy Reads to the comments section.

Posted in Homeschooling, Worthy Reads | 1 Comment »

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December 24, 2012

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas…

Here it is Christmas Eve, and I know that I should be writing a cheery post for the holiday season, but I’ve been sad lately.  I’m sad about several things: family who don’t want to spend the holidays together, people with strident views who let it interfere with their relationships, long lost friends who I once thought would be my friends forever, a community I so desperately want but have trouble finding.

But these things have been part of my life for a long time, and for the most part, I have found some peace within the walls of my own house.  If it weren’t for the recent shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School, I probably wouldn’t be so sad or remembering the sorrow in my life. The extremely polarized views in the media and the vitriol coming out of that disturbs me greatly.

I am someone who has always avoided – for better or worse – conflict.  I have had a hard time finding my voice or my opinion because I can usually see and feel both sides of an issue, and pinning down exactly what I think is hard.  I know what I feel, and I do have many opinions, but the biggest issues have so many shades of gray that I usually think I need to be a scholar in the subject before I take a stand. Unfortunately, I don’t have time to be a scholar on all the big issues.

All this a good writer does not make.

And I used to think this made me weak because someone once told me it was a “cop out” to not take a stand. After thinking about this for years, I have finally come to the conclusion that it’s simply how I operate, and it’s actually an asset. How many people have the capacity for thinking outside the box? Or for trying to empathize with the other side? Geez, I would rather be a person who had solid convictions. I think that would be much easier. I would have my community, and I wouldn’t care about the people outside that community.

I’ve been writing a weekly column for my local newspaper for three and a half years now, and fortunately I’ve picked a topic — motherhood and daily life — that doesn’t require me to have definite opinions on the Big topics.  I do have solid opinions on parenthood and homeschooling.

But in light of the recent tragic events, I have felt I need to talk about the tragedy because I am writing about motherhood and these events have affected so many parents.  If I were only writing on this personal blog, I wouldn’t feel I needed to write about it so much, but I’m writing for a newspaper, and that feels so different.

But I still don’t take big stands because I don’t have the answers.  I have more questions than answers at this point.   I’ve written two columns, “What Will The New Year Bring?” which asks a lot of questions yet reveals some of my opinions, and then “Homeschooling for Safety Reasons,” which is my response to those who are jumping into homeschooling because of this tragic event.  You’ll find these columns in the newspaper and here on my blog over the next couple of weeks.

I am grateful for having this experience as a columnist because it’s making me think more about where I want to take a stand and where I want to get more information. It’s given me a thicker skin, and yet it’s made me weary too.  Many weeks I think what’s the use of writing about any of this? So few really care. Or they think I’m crazy. What am I writing for?

But it’s taught me that I’m writing for myself, and that’s where I get my joy. I have always wanted to write, and I am writing.

Excuse me for babbling on Christmas Eve.  I promise I’m going to shake this gloomy feeling. I’m using the nifty WordPress tool to schedule my blog posts to publish automatically this week, and I’ve already got them in the queue.  I can close my laptop and concentrate on the things I’m thankful for and what makes me happy this Christmas:

  • A husband who I can disagree with yet know he’ll always love me deeply. The longer we’re married the more I realize that I married him for the great conversations we have.
  • Two little boys who give me more joy than I can possibly describe here.
  • A warm house.
  • Two dogs, a cat, and some fish that have hung on to life longer than I ever imagined little fish could.
  • New friends.
  • Friends for my boys.
  • The freedom to write whatever I want.
  • My camera.
  • My health.
  • The option to homeschool and spend this awesome, quality time with my children. To not have to try to figure out how to balance work and family life.
  • Online friends, which I consider a bonus.
  • Stories.

Do you get sad over the holidays? And what makes you happy?

Posted in Life Stories, Motherhood | 10 Comments »

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November 29, 2012

Happy Birthday, Mom

Note: This column was printed in the Barrow Journal on November 28, 2012.

This week my mother is turning 72 years old, though if you ask her, she might say she’s 75.  That’s right…her way of thinking is that if she tells you she’s older, you’ll say, “Wow! You look great for your age!”

Now that I’m a mother, I can look back on my childhood and appreciate the sacrifices and unconditional love my mother has given me.  My mom loved dancing, and she taught young children how to dance before she married my father.  She has never stopped loving dance, and she taught Dancercise when I was young, but mostly, she stayed home and took care of her home and children.

I don’t know if she ever had aspirations outside of family life, but I do know she doesn’t regret her choices.

If you had asked me when I was twenty if I wanted to follow in my mom’s footsteps and be a stay-at-home mom, I would have said, “No way.”  There were a lot of things I wanted to do, but having children was not high on my priority list.

Now, I credit my mothering ability partly to the example she gave me. Perhaps I can also credit my storytelling abilities to my mother.  My grandmother told me how as a child my mother would tell her friends outrageous stories.  For example, she told one of her friends that a man used to drive through Athens with a big truck, and he would pick up little children and take them to the river and drown them! My grandmother got a call from the friend’s parent for that one.

I can’t remember my mother telling me outrageous stories, but I can remember her tickling me until I fell off the bed and singing with her as she played the piano.  I remember her playing games with me to pass the time on long road trips, and I remember the prom dresses she spent too much money on to make me happy.

Growing up I had friends whose mothers were less than exemplary, and I could see that while sometimes I butted heads with my mom – probably because we’re alike – I was lucky to have her.  She has always been my biggest fan.  I’m certain that she’s the only person in the world who has read every word I’ve ever published.

I don’t have the words to express my deepest gratitude for that.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my mother it’s that I need to pay attention to my children. I need to want to know what they are willing to share.

My children will learn soon enough that the rest of the world cares very little about their needs, desires and the minor details of their lives. Though I hope they’ll find a community who supports and uplifts them, I plan to be the one who will always be there, no matter what.

I am lucky that I have a lot of people in my life who love me, support me, and would help me if I needed it, but my mother has been the one person whom I always knew I could turn to immediately, if I needed it.  There were times in my life when I lacked a community – I traveled and lived outside the country twice – but I always knew I could reach my mom at any moment.  That’s a feeling of security that every person deserves to have.

Happy birthday, Mom.  I love you, and I’m grateful everyday that you are my mom.

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November 10, 2012

The Ups and Downs of Parenthood

Note: This column was printed in the Barrow Journal on November 7, 2012.

October was a rough month for us.  The boys got sick for the second time this fall.  All those wonderful festivals and things to do at this time of year got cancelled for us.  That didn’t surprise me. Now I’m kind of used to missing fun things because something comes up – that’s part of having kids that you learn about real quick.

What did surprise me was my reaction to my six-year-old’s stomach virus.  I thought I was passed the point of being an overreacting parent.  You know, when you have your first born infant, you’re overprotective and extra vigilant about everything.  When baby gets sick, your doctor is more concerned about calming you down than about the baby’s illness.

By the second child, you’re an old pro.  You don’t have to call the doctor anymore.  Colds and flus are dealt with at home.  When healthy, you overlook the fact that your son is crawling on an unswept floor, and you just sigh heavily and say a prayer when you see him lick the shopping cart’s handle.

But I have not been through a stomach virus such as this, and I was that much more hyper because a few months before this same son became dehydrated when he had a cold – he refuses to eat or drink if he has a sore throat.  So I was watching him like a hawk and pushing sips of water the best I could.

It was horrible, and my already skinny kid lost a lot of weight. It happened over the weekend too – kids always get sick on the weekends and at night when doctor’s offices are closed. So I pestered our doctor twice on the phone, and he assured me the virus was going around and my son would improve in time. It wasn’t fast enough for me, however, and if it hadn’t been for a more cool-headed husband, I probably would have taken him to the hospital.

This autumn the three-year-old is also taking us on round 2 of the terrible threes. (It’s not the terrible twos! It’s the terrible threes!) To top it off, he’s taken up screaming too. I’m not talking about temper tantrums – he screams when he’s happy, and he screams when he’s upset. It’s nerve-wracking to say the least.

His lack of volume control is also unfortunate for my husband who recently started working at home full-time. Sound travels through this house as well as it travels across water, so there really isn’t a quiet corner anyone can escape to. This whole season has been about adapting and adjusting to the ups and downs of parenthood.

It hasn’t been all bad. My six-year-old has impressed me with his ability to concentrate during our morning homeschool lessons despite distractions from his little brother. Two months ago I wasn’t sure we would make much progress on his math or reading skills any time soon, but suddenly my son is counting by 2s and 5s and reading is starting to click too.

Being sick also gave us the excuse to slow down and enjoy the autumn weather in our yard and do some painting and creating.  My six-year-old gets ideas from the children’s programs he watches, and it’s fun to watch him take on an art project and do it by himself.

We also enjoyed a fun, healthy Halloween week, which made up for missing out on some things earlier in the month.  We had a small Halloween party with friends, attended Bear Hollow Zoo’s “Boo at the Zoo” event, and went trick or treating in our neighborhood on Halloween night.  Oh, and I turned yet another year older, but let’s not dwell on that.

Whenever I experience the lows of parenthood, I remind myself that “this too shall pass.” Hopefully the upcoming holiday season will be healthy and stress free – for you and for me.

How has your Autumn been?

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October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween

Pumpkin with a Brain. For instructions, click here.

Note: This column is printed in the October 31, 2012 edition of the Barrow Journal.

Once a couple creates a family, they realize that family life is full of harrowing moments and howls in the dark. Little monsters — ahem — Lovable little monsters invade their lives…

This will be my sixth Halloween with children, and in that time it’s become my favorite holiday.  The fact that it’s also my birthday might play a part in that too, but really, it doesn’t have the stress that comes with Christmas or Thanksgiving.  Stress shouldn’t come with any holiday, but unfortunately it does.  Halloween…it’s just fun.

The weather is beautiful. I love autumn temperatures, changing leaves and the opportunity to make soup. We can get outside frequently, do some gardening and pull out the hiking boots.

Costumes are fun, though sometimes a challenge.  At one-year-old, my sons were both too young to protest the pumpkin costume I made them wear.  As they get older, they are more opinionated.  At two, my eldest liked the Peter Pan costume I picked for him, but I knew better than to try to put anything over his head.

At three, he had his “not interested in Halloween” year.  The decorations in the stores scared him, and my husband ended up treating him to McDonalds on the night of Halloween while I stayed home to greet the trick or treaters.

Last year my three-year-old also went through that phase, and he wanted nothing to do with trick or treating or a costume. I don’t know which way he’ll go this year, but I haven’t bothered to buy him a costume. I can’t get him to wear long sleeves let alone a costume (and coincidently his brother dislikes short sleeves – go figure.)

My six-year-old is all into Halloween costumes now, and this year he made it easy on us by not having any pre-conceived idea of what he wanted to be. He just wanted to go to the store and look.  We were there quite a while and almost came home empty-handed. Why do costume makers think all little boys want to be super heroes?  My son is not into super heroes at all.

Finally I spotted something we had overlooked, and my son grabbed it right away – an extraterrestrial!  It’s a green costume with three-fingered gloves and a mask with big, black eyes. The torso has a faint outline of the internal organs of this alien. Simple, yet very cool looking.

All children should be encouraged to play make-believe, and I consider Halloween a celebration of that.  As with any holiday or ritual, each new family has to create their own traditions and meanings.  Sometimes we keep old traditions, tweak them, or change them altogether.  For me, Halloween is for the children.  It’s a chance for them to be whatever they want and continue the play as they step out into the community.

It’s also fun for me because I get to watch how excited they are, and I get to accompany them on their journey around the neighborhood – a good excuse to get out and say hello to the neighbors too.  The candy is another story, especially since I end up eating so much of it, but that’s a small price to pay for a day of play.

Here’s wishing you a safe and happy Halloween.

Posted in Life Stories, My Newspaper Columns, Traditions / Rituals / Holidays | Leave a Comment »

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July 25, 2012

There is no consensus on how to raise kids

Note: This column was printed in the Barrow Journal on July 18, 2012.

“As time passes we all get better at blazing a trail through the thicket of advice.” –Margot Bennett, Scottish-Australian writer

Last week my family and I were shopping at the mall of Georgia, and while we were at our obligatory stop at the Disney store, I overheard two women chatting about potty training.  It’s one of those conversations that parents are all too familiar with.

I was standing close by because my two-year-old was playing with some toys in a big bin right next to their kids – you know the bins full of small toys that stores use to lure your kids and your wallet inside.  I couldn’t help but smile and nod at the woman who had a child proving difficult to train.  My eldest son had been difficult too.

The other woman was explaining how well her kids responded to the chart with star stickers.  She seemed to have all the answers.  I said that I had wished it had been that easy for me.  This seemed to sooth the woman with the reluctant child.

I was very tired and didn’t mean to engage in a conversation about potty training, so when the woman with the successful potty training strategy began to explain her method in more depth, I nodded politely and only heard half of it.  My husband piped in with a silly comment and then we excused ourselves.

These kinds of conversations happen all the time among parents, and I have all too often listened to a well-meaning mama tell me how to get my kids to eat right, sleep right, behave right or learn right.  I’m sure I’ve bored other parents with my well-meaning advice too.

Later that night my husband and I talked about the episode in the Disney store, and he said whatever your opinion may be, you’ll find some book or article to back it up.  He said there’s really no consensus on how to raise kids.  Well ain’t that the truth? I thought.

The older my kids get, the more I realize that parents are here to guide and encourage them, and certainly we can influence them, but making them do what they don’t want to do can only lead to stress and frustration.  Sometimes it might be the right thing to do, but it’s still going to cause a lot of stress and frustration.

This is why I’ve tried to listen to the advice and then do what feels right for my family and me.  When it’s possible, I try to err on the side of being fairly laid back with the kids and not force them to do things they aren’t ready for.  After the first potty training fiasco, I’m letting my second son take his time with the whole issue.

There’s so much advice circling out there, I’ve tried to stop listening to it too.  It only makes my head hurt and insecurities mount.  And the pressure to do things “right” weighs in on much more important issues than potty training.

For example, I have a friend who’s returning to work after maternity leave.  Her child is adjusting well, but she’s going through the normal emotions of a mother in that situation – guilt, sadness as well as relief.  But I know she’s making the right decision for her family because she carefully weighed all her options and researched childcare facilities.

I told her that though I’m taking a different path, I still get all those emotions.  Sometimes I think it would be much easier to put my kids in school and go back to work.  No path is without uncertainties.

There may not be much consensus on how to raise children, but I think most people can agree that kids need love, attention and respect.  In the end, they will all get potty-trained one way or another.

 

Posted in Motherhood, My Newspaper Columns | 6 Comments »

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June 30, 2012

How Can a Mama Schedule Creativity Into Her Life?

Note: This column was printed in the June 27, 2012 edition of the Barrow Journal.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to write more on this topic ever since my fellow blogger, Renee Tougas of fimby.tougas.net, wrote the definitive e-book for busy moms who want to find time for their own creative pursuits.  How do I schedule it into my life, she asked?

Another friend of mine commented that she doesn’t see how I have time to do it all.  The truth is, I don’t do it all, and there are days that I feel like pulling my hair out.  Still, having children has taught me more about time management skills than any high power job could ever do.

It’s ironic that I’m writing on this topic at an unusually busy time for me.  With summer in full swing, I never guessed how many unexpected things could pop up at this time of year for young children.  Besides my son’s mini-camps and a summer class, I’m happy to shuttle him around to play dates so that he can enjoy this beautiful weather.

I also have a magazine article I’m trying to finish and get in the mail, a photo shoot coming up, another set of photos I did for a friend that I’d like to finish, and of course I continue with my weekly column.  Then there’s the magical laundry bin that fills up every time I empty it.

I work very hard at keeping perspective, and I also make sure that I don’t let my personal goals take my attention away from my kids.  I keep mindful that this is a short time in my life, and someday I’ll wish I could step back into this moment when my children were young.  But staying positive doesn’t take away the fact that I have to get things done.

It’s all about sorting priorities and making lists for me.  Luckily I found a little app for my computer that lets me make several to-do lists.  (I use To-Do Queue, but I know there are other good ones too.)  I use some lists for brainstorming ideas on what to write about, and I use other lists for the real gotta-get-it-done stuff.

Keeping these lists separated is what makes my life easier.  I’m never looking at a comprehensive, mile-long to-do list.

I make sure I get the important stuff done first.  I usually reserve certain days of the week for certain tasks, such as my weekly column.  Just as I mentioned last week in my “how to get the house clean” column, having specific days for specific tasks takes away the angst of “When will I get to this?”  Thinking about everything at once is too overwhelming.

When the must-do stuff is done, I use my lists to remind me of what I want to work on next.  Having this reminder open on my computer is important because it’s so easy to open up Twitter or Facebook and waste time.

But how do I get any of it done with young children who quite literally suck up every minute of the day?  Most of it happens at night after they go to bed, and some of it gets done in the afternoons while they watch T.V.  There are also nooks and crannies throughout the day when I manage to load laundry or write an e-mail while also sculpting clay creations with my sons.

While it would be ideal to have a few hours every week when I could retreat to a private office to get my work done, that will never happen.  What helped me gain perspective on this is what a friend of mine told me once.

He teaches news writing at the university, and he told me that while his students are writing in class, he’ll put the radio on.  He said he wants them to get used to distractions because in a busy newsroom, it’s not always quiet.  When he told me this, I realized that getting work done despite distractions is something we can learn to do.  It’s something we can train ourselves to do.

Distractions are always at hand for moms of young children.  A subtitle for this era of our lives could be “Ten Years and One Million Interruptions.”  So instead of waiting for the perfect time to get creative, learn to use the time you’ve got.

***

There’s also something I’d like to add that wasn’t in my column.  It’s about keeping perspective as I mentioned briefly.  I have many personal goals that I’d like to do, but I just can’t at this time.  I only do what little I can, and I try to appreciate this moment with my children first and foremost.  I’m pretty sure that being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom is going to be the happiest time of my life.  Why do I dream about doing something else when in reality, I have everything I want?

On the other hand, it’s good to have personal goals because one day these kiddos will grow up and leave my house.  I’m glad I’m pursuing my hobbies and career goals even if it’s a little bit.  I think it will lay a foundation for my life after kids, and from what I hear from “empty nesters,” it will be good to have a distraction at that time.

Remember that wonderful children’s story, The Tortoise and the Hare?  Be the tortoise.  Plod along and do what you can. After all, if you had all the time in the world, you might not use it wisely.

How do you make time for yourself?

Posted in Motherhood, My Newspaper Columns | 1 Comment »

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