Mama of Letters | My Newspaper Columns

May 12, 2012

A Child-Led Project: The Celery Lettuce Cake

Note: This column was printed in the May 2, 2012 edition of the Barrow Journal.

I am all for giving children as much freedom as possible. They need time to play, create and build. This make-believe and the trial and error of creating teaches them more lessons than they could ever learn from the well-meaning words of adults. This is at the heart of project-based homeschooling.

But in real life, it’s awfully hard to let my five-year-old pursue every project he thinks up. Sometimes I’m rushing around the house trying to get us ready to go out when he says something like, “Mommy, I think we could make a giant eel out of paper.” Please, I think, don’t talk to me now, but I don’t say it. He’ll go on and on about his idea while I’m only half listening.

Other times his ideas are just impossible. “Mommy, maybe sometime we can go to Greenland.” Uh huh. (Though requests like that are good ways to start explaining concepts like money, time and distance.)

For these reasons, I was happy the other day that we had the opportunity to let him run with one of his crazy ideas. I was cleaning up the lunch dishes, and I had planned to take the boys outside after that. It was a beautiful day, but my son had another idea.

“Mommy, I have an idea for a recipe. It would need celery and lettuce, and I would mash them together with that masher you use for making mashed potatoes. Then I would need that thing you use to mix stuff…”

I’ll interject here to explain that celery and lettuce are the only two vegetables my five-year-old will eat. He likes celery dipped in Catalina dressing, and he’ll eat a little bit of plain lettuce that he grew himself in the garden. And after more discussion, I figured out that the second utensil he was referring to was a whisk.

Now he continues, “…and then after it’s all mashed, we’ll make a cake out of it, and then we can put it in the oven and cook it for ten minutes!”

Oh yes…you can imagine how much he was whetting my appetite! But I stifled my laugh. Just as I was going to come up with a gentle explanation as to why that wouldn’t taste good, I thought to myself, “What would it hurt to let him find out for himself?”

All the stars seemed to be aligned for this special project. We weren’t going anywhere, and I had the two ingredients. The celery we had needed to be used up anyway. In addition to this, the two-year-old was in a rare, independent mood and went upstairs to play by himself for a while.

I laid out a cutting board, a big bowl, the masher and whisk. Then I cleaned a few sticks of celery and leaves of lettuce. I also gave my son a little knife to cut the celery with. My five-year-old is a cautious fellow, so if he knows something can hurt him, he’s very careful with it.

He stood on our step stool and went to work on his own recipe. He was very serious about it. I heard him counting the small pieces of celery he chopped and added to the bowl. At first he said he’d use nine pieces, but as he continued to work, he decided he needed more celery, and I cleaned a couple more stalks. He ripped up the lettuce into small pieces too.

He discovered that it’s very hard to mash celery. At this point I suggested that he chop the pieces smaller. He tried that, but I think it was too much work. He went back to the masher.

To my surprise, celery can be mashed if you keep at it a very long time. My son worked diligently for almost an hour. It gave me time to fold the laundry.

Finally the concoction was ready, but he said it needed water. We decided half a cup would do, and then I gave him a small casserole dish. He poured it in there, patted it down, and then I baked it at 350 degrees for 10 minutes.

After it cooled down, we had the big taste test. My son took a bite, and though his expression was subtle, I wish I had videotaped it. After some contemplation, he admitted it wasn’t so good. But I knew it was a good day, and I’ll always remember the look of joy and determination on my son’s face while he was making his “celery and lettuce cake.”

Kelly O. Sullivan (@KellyOSullivan), a friend of mine on Twitter said, “That attitude of ‘try again but tweak’ is at the heart of science and experimentation.” So it is, but when my son said, “Maybe it will taste better if we put something else on top of it,” I finally snickered. Sometimes you gotta teach them when to cut loose.

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Tags: celery lettuce cake, child led learning, homeschooling, kindergarten, my newspaper columns, parenting, project-based homeschooling

May 1, 2012

Will T.V. Hurt My Kids? Part 1 of 3

Break time for a 2-year-old (who's now 5).

Note: The following is a column that I wrote for the Barrow Journal, and it appeared in that newspaper on September 29, 2010. Back then, my sons had just turned 4 and 1, so the one-year-old was not watching any T.V. I’m revising this column just a little for my blog, and I’m going to follow up with a Part 2) about our T.V. viewing now – which has increased, and a Part 3) programming we watch.

I have heard a few mothers say that they do not permit their children to watch television at all, or they limit it to one 20-30 minute program or segment of a movie each day. I usually remain quiet when I hear this because I can only imagine what they would think of me if they knew how much television I allow my son to watch.

I don’t blame them though. There has been a lot of research done on T.V. and kids, and most of it favors limiting screen time. (You can see a good summary of the findings on the University of Michigan Health System website.)

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under the age of 2 watch no television, and older children should be limited to only one or two hours of educational, age-appropriate programming.

Research also points out:

Watching too much T.V. can lead to weight gain, sleep problems, and can have a negative impact on school performance.
Children under the age of eight cannot differentiate between what is real and fantasy, and telling them that something isn’t real doesn’t work, so scary programs can traumatize them.
There has also been research done to show that children learn certain attitudes through stereotypes depicted on T.V., and there is much evidence showing that aggressive behavior can be linked to watching violence on T.V.

As for infants, researchers do not know enough about early brain development, but there’s enough evidence to suggest that all those DVDs marketed to babies does not help them. Babies need to interact with adults, hear their parents talking to them and be free to explore their environments. Some studies suggest a link between early exposure to television and the development of ADD.

On average, my 4-year-old son probably watches 2.5 hours of T.V. per day, though not all at once. We allow him to watch two educational programs each in the morning and evening. We only use Apple T.V. or DVDs, so the programs last about 25 minutes each and are commercial free. Sometimes he’ll sit and watch part of a program my husband and I watch too, though we are careful not to watch anything violent.

There are days he watches more or less T.V. When he’s sick or there’s a special occasion or if we just feel like it, we let him watch a movie in addition to a couple of shows, and he always gets to watch the whole movie. This does not include the time he spends in front of a computer each day.

My husband loves T.V. and watches at least one show each day on his computer. I’m thankful he’s not someone who needs to keep the T.V. on all day, but since he loves T.V. and technology, he has gotten my son used to a certain daily dose in front of the tube. It used to worry me, but there comes a time when you have to pick your battles, and I knew that screen time in my house was not something I was going to change.

Furthermore, I now depend on my son’s T.V. time, and I’m not sure I could get anything done otherwise. I use the time to take a shower, do chores and tend to my baby. I honestly don’t know how those moms manage with just “30 minutes of T.V. a day.”

I think there are other benefits to children watching television, but they are not talked about as much. By watching educational programming, my son has learned much more than I ever learned when I was his age. I am also surprised that he loves to watch nature programs and documentaries. (He watched Michael Wood’s documentary, The Story of India, with my husband and I when he was two. I think the stunning cinema photography kept his attention.) How else could I expose him to such interesting places and things?

There have been studies showing that programming with a prosocial message can have positive effects on children and adults. I believe that by watching a cartoon such as PBS’s Caillou, my son has gained confidence. The show reinforces many of the things I’m teaching him, and he identifies with the little boy named Caillou who is so much like him.

When I read articles about the negative affects of television on children, I take note of the suggested alternatives to watching television:

reading,
talking to your children,
not watching during dinner,
exploring nature,
encouraging imaginative play,
music,
stories on the iPod,
and letting them be bored sometimes so they have to figure out how to occupy themselves.

The thing is – I do all of those things! He has a variety of activities to fill his day, and we go out and explore the world and meet people. T.V. is just a part of his day.

Much of the commentary on the effects of T.V. on children had to do with children watching the commercials and too much adult programming, especially programs with violence. I believe that when parents balance age-appropriate, commercial-free T.V. viewing with other, healthy activities, television can’t hurt kids. And it may be good for them if they watch educational, prosocial shows.

More coming up in Parts 2 and 3. I hope you’ll come back, and please tell me what you think!

Posted in Homeschooling, My Newspaper Columns | 9 Comments »

Tags: How much T.V. should children watch?, my newspaper columns, parenting, television viewing and kids, Will Too Much T.V. Hurt My Kids?

April 28, 2012

Watson Mill Bridge State Park

Note: This column was printed in the April 25, 2012 edition of The Barrow Journal.

Last week we decided to get out into nature again with the boys, and this time we went to one of my favorite places, Watson Mill Bridge. It’s located three miles south of Comer, Georgia, and I think it’s one of the prettiest places I’ve ever visited in Georgia.

Watson Mill Bridge is the longest covered bridge in Georgia. It crosses the South Fork River, and it’s 229 feet long. You can drive or walk through the bridge. We walked over it and discovered it has that wonderful, musty smell of old, historic wood.

Unfortunately, last year the park lost its state park status due to budget challenges, but the Georgia Department of Natural Resources officials just announced that it will return to state park status on May 1. They have partnered with Madison and Oglethorpe counties as well as the Friends of Watson Mill Bridge to make this happen. I’m very happy to learn this.

According to the Georgia State Parks website the bridge was built in 1885 by Washington (W.W.) King, the son of freed slave and famous covered-bridge builder Horace King. It is supported by a “town lattice truss system held firmly together with wooden pins.” The site also says that Georgia used to have more than 200 covered bridges. Now it has less than 20.

The park is a haven to photographers, including me. My boys wanted to spend most of the time on the shoals below the bridge. Yep – more rock throwing! While they played, I had time to photograph the bridge, and I even caught a few worthy images of the boys. In the shallow part of the water, my five-year-old was thrilled to find dozens of black tadpoles. We also spied a skink near the river.

tadpoles & I think some eggs too

skink

My husband and I were happy to sit in the shade and let the boys throw as many rocks as they wanted. I haven’t been to many parks where I could find a place that was very flat and I didn’t feel like I needed to hold onto my two-year-old’s shirt for fear of him falling in the water.

completely in his element

Unfortunately, by the time we were ready to head back to town for lunch, my five-year-old said, “But what about hiking?” Indeed, we did say that we were “going hiking,” so we obliged him by walking a short distance up one of trails. There are two of them on each side of the river. I’m looking forward to when the boys are older and we can go for longer jaunts.

Though I wouldn’t trade these outings with my boys for anything, I fondly remember the days when I could amble down a path and take in the sights and smells of nature. With two little boys, my mind is constantly alert as to where they are and what they might be touching. It’s mentally draining.

Yet this is just a season of my life, and there’s also the thrill of watching my boys discover something for the first time. For example, on the way back to the car, my two-year-old and I were some distance behind my husband and five-year-old. At one point, a female cardinal landed on a branch just above our heads, and my two-year-old noticed her. We stopped and watched her for a long moment and listened to her song. I told him she was the “mama cardinal,” and he nodded. I could see in his expression that he was fascinated, and I’m quite sure I’ll never forget that.

The park is 1,118 acres. There are tent, trailer, RV campsites and 3 log cabin bunkhouses available. Hiking, biking and horse trails are available as well as horse stalls. There’s also a fun playground and three picnic shelters. You can find out more about this beautiful park and how to make reservations at http://www.gastateparks.org/WatsonMillBridge

part of the playground at Watson Mill Bridge State Park

You can find more of my resources for parents in Georgia by clicking here. I’ll be writing about all the places we visit in the future, so I hope you’ll visit me again! Thank you!

Posted in Field trips, Homeschooling, My Newspaper Columns, Nature, Resources for Georgia Homeschoolers | 2 Comments »

Tags: Georgia, getting kids into nature, my newspaper columns, parenting, Watson Mill Bridge State Park

April 21, 2012

The Merry Toymaker: A Retired Toymaker’s Story and His Beautiful, Handmade Wooden Toys for Children

Note: This column was printed in the April 18, 2012 edition of the The Barrow Journal.

Sometimes it pays to have connections. At least, that’s what my boys thought when a friend of mine invited us over to meet her husband, a retired toymaker, and play with his handmade, wooden toys.

Jack Dohany worked in the electronics industry as a field engineer from 1962 to 1970, but after seeing the Vietnam War up close, he became a pacifist and eventually left his job. He met a craftswoman who took him to his first crafts fair, and he noticed that there weren’t many good toys there.

“I was looking for a way to support myself that was fun and peaceful, and it seemed like toymaking might be that way. It was.”

He ran his business from 1970 to 2009, and he called it The Merry Toymaker. It was located in his home or wherever he happened to be living, and he sold his toys chiefly at craft fairs. He did no advertising.

In California, there are huge craft fairs such as the Renaissance Pleasure Faire in the spring, a fair in Northern California in the fall, and the Dickens Christmas Fair and the KPFA Crafts Fair in Berkeley in December.

After Jack and his wife, Winston Stephens, moved to Georgia in 2001, his business shrank because there are few good craft fairs here. So at that time he sold to stores, and The Idea Factory in New Orleans was his best outlet.

The first toy Mr. Dohany made was of a train engine, and he still owns it. (See photo below.) All of his toys were circus-oriented. He says his favorite is the two-hand top, but the circus train and squeeze acrobat come in close seconds. He has wonderful memories of entertaining children at the craft fairs.

“I’d spin a top on a plate, flip the top high in the air and then catch it still spinning on the plate. Then I’d put the plate on top of my head and do my silly toymaker dance while the top was still spinning. Kids (and their parents) loved it. One of my fondest memories is of a kid here in Georgia who managed to do this trick perfectly on his first try!”

My boys loved playing with the wooden toys. For me, these handmade toys are much more special than the plastic toys the boys receive for their birthdays with all the bells and whistles. I asked Mr. Dohany what he thought about that.

“Handmade wooden toys have some human warmth built into them which is lacking in factory-made toys,” he told me. “They also encourage the development of manual dexterity, and in my humble opinion, they are just more fun to play with than plastic toys are.”

If you want to buy one of Mr. Dohany’s toys, you’re out of luck because he retired in 2009. He gave his entire workshop to John Thomas who was one of his helpers in California and good friend. John stays home with his young children, and he’s planning to sell his toys over the Internet. When it’s complete, the website will be at http://www.merrytoymakers.com/.

Until then, Mr. Dohany likes to tell everyone, “I’m not the only toymaker in the world. If you Google handmade, wooden toys, you’ll find lots and lots.” He also added, “Next to meeting and marrying up with Winston Stephens, toymaking is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

To see more photos of Mr. Dohany and his toys, you can go to my photography blog by clicking here.

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Tags: children, handmade, Jack Dohany, my newspaper columns, photography, The Merry Toymaker, wooden toys

April 14, 2012

What’s A Mama To Do Without Nap Time?

Note: This column was printed in the Barrow Journal April 11, 2012. For more information about how I’m dealing with the loss of nap time in our homeschooling routine, scroll to the bottom of this post.

For most mothers, nap time is our saving grace. For those mothers with babies who don’t nap, I don’t know how they do it. My five-year-old was a wonderful sleeper as a baby and toddler. He gave me about 10 hours at night and a 2-3 hour nap time every afternoon. I’m sure I didn’t know how luxurious that was.

When my five-year-old was three, he began to resist nap time. It became clear that he was transitioning out of them. I still needed my nap, however, so I took my mother’s advice and created “quiet time.” I told my son he would need to play quietly upstairs for a while by himself.

This worked well, and I think it helped him learn how to entertain himself. Sometimes I would find him upstairs asleep on the floor beside his toys, but at least I didn’t have to fight him to go to sleep. Other days he didn’t need a nap, so he played for an hour and then came downstairs.

I was preparing myself to have an opposite experience with my second child, but I was blessed with another good sleeper. (Thank you!) The only difference is that his naps have been shorter, and he’s transitioned out of them much earlier than his brother.

I knew a few months ago that he probably didn’t need his naps because he would lay awake in his crib until late in the night “singing.” Sometimes he’d call us in there a few times too. I resisted not giving him a nap though. Not only did I use that time to do one-on-one work with my five-year-old, I also used part of it as break time for myself.

As other mothers have also told me, it’s kind of a frightful moment to realize that daily nap times are almost over. We wonder how will we ever live without it?

Even as I dreaded losing nap time, I knew that it was a silly thing to worry about. Look at all the mothers with older children who don’t nap anymore…they have survived!

As it turned out, transitioning out of nap time was much harder for me than it was for my two-year-old. Unlike his older brother, he never resisted going down for a nap, but once I let him not nap, he won’t go back. We had a few days when he got pretty cranky in the afternoon without his nap, but sometimes he was like that anyway, so who knows?

So no more naps, and no more singing at night… He’s out like a light! But how is mama holding up? Actually, not bad. It’s been very freeing to give up nap time. Suddenly I have a huge space in the day when I can take the boys to the store or do an extra project with them. There’s no rushing home for nap time or worrying how to get something done around it.

As far as my one-on-one time with my five-year-old, that has changed a bit. (See below for more information about that.) For now we’re sticking to things that his younger brother can join in too, but over the next few months I hope to figure out a new homeschool schedule.

Sometimes the five-year-old will grumble about his little brother interrupting his projects, but for the most part, we’ve been able to let him work alongside us. When my son wants to make something with paper and scissors, the two-year-old gets busy cutting up bits of paper too. (Can bits of paper scattered on the floor be considered a new fashion décor?)

Sometimes I’m the one who’s too hesitant to try something new with the two-year-old. The other day my eldest son insisted that we try dissecting his human body model with his brother – something we always did while he was napping because I was afraid body parts would be flying all over the room.

To my surprise, the two-year-old was very careful with the pieces and curious about the whole process. Only once I had to threaten a time out when he refused to give back the liver and stomach. If you think about it, losing nap time isn’t half as bad as the day they’re gonna tell me they want to dissect a real frog or something like that!

Note: That was my column. Below is some more information about how I’m dealing with the loss of nap time in our homeschooling routine.

Here’s a debrief of my thoughts about losing nap time:

Whaa!!
Okay, it’s nothing to cry about. It actually gives us more freedom because I don’t have to work around the two-year-old’s naps.
At first, I didn’t worry about doing any formal lessons with my five-year-old. I was already pretty laid back about this, and I wrote about how I conducted our homeschool in this post.
It’s springtime, and I feel pretty certain that every year during spring, we’re going to change our routine. It’s a priority of mine to let my boys spend a lot of time outside. We still have book time, we create, we tell stories, and they play, play, play. That’s all we need to do right now.
But recently I have been considering how to work in a small amount of time dedicated to the basics: reading and math. Then I noticed that my two-year-old liked to sit quietly and watch his older brother play on the computer. So I signed up for the paid portion of Starfall.com. This is a wonderful site, and we’ve used it a lot in the past. (There’s a lot on there that’s free, but they’ve added much more, including math, and they are only charging $35 a year for access to it. Not a bad deal, if your child likes it.) Twice I’ve sat down with my five-year-old, and we’ve read through two or three, short Starfall “books.” My two-year-old has been in the room with us, and he likes to watch while at the same time playing with puzzles or other things in our activity room. Don’t get me wrong – he is distracting. But my five-year-old gets distracted no matter what when he has to sound out a word he doesn’t know. This is why I don’t push more than two or three books at a time.
The site also has a lot of entertaining but educational math songs, nursery rhymes, etc. So my thought is that we’ll spend a little time at the computer when we can, and I’ll make sure the five-year-old gets some practice reading. Then we’ll have fun exploring the site. It will be “school” for both of them.
My plan is to work this into our morning schedule between book time and our puppet shows.
Of course, this is all a work in progress. I’ve just started doing this, and I don’t know what it will look like next month or next year. I’ll be sure to keep you posted.

But Wait!? You might be wondering: what about Mama’s Nap Time? What about her Free time? This is a subject for an upcoming blog post, but the short answer is that I let my boys watch T.V. in the afternoons (and evenings). I hope you’ll stick with me because I’ll confess it all and explain why I don’t think T.V. hurts them…

How have you changed your routine as your children transition out of nap time?

Posted in Homeschooling, My Newspaper Columns | 7 Comments »

Tags: homeschooling, kindergarten, motherhood, my newspaper columns, parenting, schedule, toddler stops napping, transitioning out of nap time

April 5, 2012

The Lake Loop Trail at Unicoi State Park

Note: This column appeared in the April 4, 2012 edition of the Barrow Journal.

Hasn’t this weather been exceptional lately? We have been trying to take advantage of it all that we can, and a week ago we took the boys to one of our favorite places: Unicoi State Park. Many of you may be familiar with Unicoi State Park. It’s right outside of Helen, Georgia, and it’s near Anna Ruby Falls.

But we also love the easy Lake Loop Trail, and it’s perfect for small children. It’s about 2.5 miles around Smith Lake, which is also known as Unicoi Lake. It’s a flat trail, and I think we even took our jogging stroller on it once when our eldest was very little.

There are beautiful views all around the lake, and there are ample places for our boys to stop and throw rocks into the water. Throwing rocks is still their favorite thing to do. While my husband and I like to take in the scenery, our boys are busy trying to find a rock or twig that’s just the right size.

The two-year-old cannot walk without stopping to fill his arms with rocks. The five-year-old is now smart enough to realize that mama has pockets! So if you passed us on the Lake Loop Trail, you’d see a mama with bulging pockets trying to coax a two-year-old to move.

I still had a great time. The weather was perfect, though a dark cloud came upon us about half way around the lake. Luckily it didn’t rain on us, and the cloudy weather kept us from squinting or sweating too much.

There’s a small, sandy beach on the lake with an area blocked off for swimming. Though we found it while we were walking on the Loop Trail, I noticed that there’s a parking lot just above it, so you could go straight there for the day. My boys had fun digging in the sand while we sat in the shade and watched a few families swim in the water.

There’s also a large “beach house.” I didn’t go inside, but according to this website says that you can rent this facility for a private function. It also says that during the summer, you can rent a canoe or pedal boat. That sounds like fun!

We passed many fishermen while we were walking on the path, though it didn’t look like anyone was catching many fish that day. There are a lot of bridges (perfect places to throw rocks) and docks along the way. Most of these have benches so that you can relax and take in the blue water and green trees surrounding the lake.

In another cove, we found all the fish hovering around some fallen trees in the water, but we didn’t have the energy to go back and alert the fishermen. Besides that, the cloud was looking ominous, so we didn’t want to linger too long.

For the same reason, we hurried our boys passed another area with a playground. Luckily, they were looking at the water and too busy with their rocks and twigs to notice the playground, but next time we go, we’ll be sure to let them play awhile.

The only tricky part about the trail is that you have to cross the dam via Highway 356 to get back to your vehicle. (This isn’t a big deal if you don’t have children.) Once we reached this point my husband went to get the car and came to pick us up. There is parking on either side of the dam, but we always park on the west side and use the picnic pavilion to eat lunch at before we start the trail. There is a $5.00 parking fee unless you buy the annual state park pass.

To learn more about this trail you can go to the Digital Trail Guide or look up Unicoi State Park on the Georgia State Parks website: http://www.gastateparks.org/.

For more ideas about what to do in Georgia with children, be sure to see my page Resources for Georgia Homeschoolers. And I hope you’ll sign up for my RSS Feed, like my Facebook page, or subscribe by e-mail in the right margin…>

Please share your favorite nature hot spots for children in the comments.

Posted in Field trips, My Newspaper Columns, Nature | Leave a Comment »

Tags: Georgia, getting kids into nature, homeschooling, Lake Loop Trail, my newspaper columns, parenting, Unicoi State Park

March 31, 2012

Homeschooling Kindergarten Math

Note: Below is my column as it appeared in the March 28, 2012 edition of the Barrow Journal. Scroll down to find some other helpful links and ways that I’ve tried to teach math.

When I was a young girl, I was gently reprimanded for using my fingers to do math. I had to do it in my head. Throughout school, I never liked math, and I never did well in it. I sat in the back of the room during high school geometry, and I barely listened to the teacher. For algebra, the teacher was my high school’s football coach, and I remember him bellowing out instructions like he was on the football field.

In college I majored in English, and one of my professors said, “English majors are notorious for hating math.” I was only required to take one math class in college, and I waited until my senior year to take it. The teacher was excellent, and my study skills had improved remarkably by that year. I got an A in the class.

Even now, math is not my forte. If I have to figure out how much to tip someone, it will take me much longer than most people.

But just because it takes me longer to figure out simple math, doesn’t mean that I can’t do it. While reading Discover Your Child’s Learning Style, I discovered that I’m a very strong visual learner. Though I knew I was visual, it surprised me at how much this learning style was dominant for me.

I started thinking about how I add, and although I don’t count on my fingers anymore, I actually visualize them in my head when I’m adding simple numbers. So, I guess I showed those teachers!

I’m not sure how math is taught in school now, but I’m aware that several math curriculums available to homeschoolers use manipulatives for learning addition and subtraction. Using beads or small blocks, a student is allowed to move the pieces around and actually see that two beads plus two beads equal four beads. I don’t ever remember getting to use something like that as a child.

I don’t know if you can make someone like math if they aren’t good at it, but as I think about how I want to teach my boys math at home, I know I’m going to do everything I can so that it’s engaging. I want to show them how we use math everyday, and if they want to use their fingers, you can bet I’ll let them.

My five-year-old is very creative and loves stories, so I purchased the first two books in a series called Life of Fred. They aren’t too expensive, and the books are comprehensive through college-level math.

Life of Fred teaches math through a story about a character named Fred. It’s funny and quirky, and my five-year-old loves it, and he even asks to do more. It’s easy to do one chapter in less than an hour, and I like that there are only a few problems to work out at the end of each chapter.

The second book has proven to be a little beyond my son’s ability at this time, so I’ve decided to wait awhile before we work through it. In the meantime, I’m doing a few other things to teach him math.

At the library, we found the shelf with all the preschool and kindergarten level math books, and I’ve been checking them out and reading them at a leisurely pace. Some of the books are easier for him than others, but he seems to like learning about numbers through story. I try to get him to work out some of the equations, but I help him when needed.

He is an auditory and visual learner, so I downloaded some math songs to play on my iPod in the car, and we’ve watched several YouTube videos about math. I also try to teach him math while we’re cooking or baking together.

Before I started doing these things, I thought I was losing him because one bad day he told me that math wasn’t fun. After stopping the formal lessons and instead trying the story books and music, he delighted me one day by writing several equations on a piece of paper. He drew smiley faces: two smiley faces + three smiley faces = five smiley faces.

My husband and I were pleasantly surprised and it confirmed my opinion that children learn best when they aren’t forced to learn. Introduce them to ideas, books, educational television, and most importantly, show them how this stuff is used in everyday life. They will catch on and learn it at their own pace.

Note: So that was my column as it appeared in the March 28, 2012 edition of the Barrow Journal. Below are some helpful links and other ways I’ve tried to teach math.

As I mentioned in the column, we love Life of Fred. We have worked through Life of Fred: Apples, and we’re going to save Life of Fred: Butterflies for next year. (For those of you who are secular homeschoolers, you may want to know that a Christian company publishes these. I have not seen many references to Christianity in the books, and so far what I have seen has not bothered me. If you order the books, you will receive some advertisements for other, Christian publications they offer.)
Last year I purchased an inexpensive poster (less than $3) of the numbers 1-100 at a local teacher’s store. My son really enjoyed looking at it when we first purchased it, and it’s been helpful along the way too. Counting by 5s is a challenge for him at this point, but I’m glad I have the chart to refer to when trying to explain these concepts.
I’ve had some success with the math books we’ve found at the library. Some of the titles we found were:
Audio Memory Math Songs (I purchased only the songs on Amazon.)
Some YouTube videos the boys enjoy:
We received Inchimals for a Christmas gift, and my five-year-old loves them! Unfortunately we haven’t made using them a habit.
I have purchased Eat Your Math Homework, but we haven’t used it yet. However, whenever I cook with my five-year-old, I try to emphasize how we measure and count the ingredients.
As you can see in the photo, we have a bucket of little vehicles that have been invaluable to me as I teach my son math skills. We have used them while working through the Life of Fred math books, and I even used them the other day when I incorporated math into one of our puppet shows. (More about that in a future post!) These were a gift and also purchased at a local teacher’s supply store.
When my son was younger, we used some preschool workbooks, and I’ve also used some inexpensive flash cards, but not very often.
We also have several computer programs and apps that teach math, but since there are so many out there, I’m sure you’re already aware of this. I pretty much let my son play with these on his own, though I think they would be more helpful if I sat with him while he was working through the problems.
Other than this, I try to catch the teachable moments and make him figure out simple, everyday math in his head.

Similar to how I have taught beginning reading, I have used resources that were available to me or inexpensive. I consider it all a work in progress, and as he gets older, I’ll try to find other resources to fill in the gaps.

What recommendations do you have for teaching early math skills?

Posted in Homeschooling, Kindergarten, My Newspaper Columns | 3 Comments »

Tags: child led learning, homeschooling, kindergarten, math, my newspaper columns, teaching math, unschooling

March 22, 2012

Nurturing Creativity and A Free Give-Away

Notes: This column was printed in the Barrow Journal on March 21, 2012. To read the details of this give-away, please scroll to the bottom of the page. (UPDATE: GIVE-AWAY IS NOW CLOSED.)

I was flattered recently when my favorite blogger, Renee Tougas, asked me to contribute a few words to her first mini e-book titled, “Nurturing Creativity: A Guide for Busy Moms.” The book is “part philosophy and part practical – with ideas for how busy moms can make time for creativity in their lives.”

Whether mothers work, stay-at-home, homeschool or not, many of us find little time to nurture ourselves. For those of us who are creative (who isn’t creative?), it’s very hard to find time for artistic pursuits or other hobbies. This can be draining, and it doesn’t always make us happy mothers.

She asked me what my favorite creative activity was and how do I make time for it during this busy season of my life?

If you read my column every week (thank you!), you can probably guess that I love to write. I have been writing in one form or another since I was ten years old. That’s right, in the fourth grade, I said I wanted to be writer, and unfortunately, I never changed my mind.

I say unfortunately only because I never had the right guidance, discipline or foresight to know what to do with my passion. I believe everyone should go after what they want to do, but you can’t be too picky about your options within that field, and you have to work your butt off to get anywhere. I never worked my butt off until now, which means I don’t make much money with my chosen vocation.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not happy. If you told me 20 years ago that I would find the creative life I was yearning for in being a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, I would have been horrified. But here I am – loving every minute of it.

And I learned a few years ago that neither failure nor having children could keep me from putting pen to paper. Just when I gave up on writing, the Barrow Journal landed in my mailbox. I let the idea of a column float around in my head for a few months, and now you know the rest. I don’t know if many people read my corner of the paper, but I appreciate the few people who have stopped me in some local store or sent an e-mail to tell me they like my column.

So no matter what, I’m going to write because it’s just something I do, and I have no idea why I feel the need to tell strangers my story, but I do. It’s as essential to me as breathing. I credit this column for keeping my sanity during these last few years. Even when I want to throw in the towel, I know I can’t because if I didn’t have some kind of creative outlet, I might start to resent motherhood. I dare not let that happen.

So when I do I get a chance to write? Sometimes I write in the afternoon when my boys are watching T.V., but mostly I write at night after they go to bed. I make sure I start early in the week because I never know what kind of interruptions I might get or how tired I might be on any given night.

But it can’t go without saying that in order to do this there’s also a lot I don’t do. My house is not very clean, and (here my husband will stand up and nod vigorously) I rarely cook. I do clean once a week to keep the house livable, and I make sure everyone eats, but my abilities in homemaking are lackluster.

I appreciate my husband’s support in my attempts to keep up with this column and my blog and all my other creative attempts. Though he may grumble from time to time, I think he knows (because he is similar) that without being able to do something for myself and without being able to be creative, I wouldn’t be happy. And you know what they say, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”

AND HERE’S THE BEST PART: Renee is offering one free e-book to one of my readers. I had the pleasure of reading “Nurturing Creativity: A Guide for Busy Mothers,” and I assure you it’s worth the time to do so. I found much inspiration and encouragement in her words. In addition, Renee wrote with busy moms in mind – it’s short, under 50 pages. So, you have no excuse not to read it.

To enter this give-away, all you need to do is leave a comment before midnight on Tuesday, March 27th, 2012 and tell me why you’d like a copy of this inspirational e-book. That’s it. Nothing else. I will let my five-year-old draw one of your names from a hat on Wednesday, and I’ll contact the winner by e-mail that day. I’ll also post your name on my blog unless you tell me not to. You have nothing to lose and much creative inspiration to gain.

One More Note: The wonderful artwork on this page was created by Erika Hastings of Mud Spice: Mucking about in Art and Motherhood.

Posted in Motherhood, My Newspaper Columns | 21 Comments »

Tags: free give-away, homeschooling, how can a busy mom find time for creativity?, mommy's "me time", motherhood, Nurturing Creativity, parenting, Renee Tougas

March 8, 2012

Just for Fun: The Five-year-old’s Hot Picks

Note: This column appeared in the Barrow Journal on March 7, 2012.

Writing a weekly column can be challenging because I have to come up with a new topic every week. Sometimes the ideas keep flowing and other times I come up empty. It’s then that I turn to my family and ask, “What should I write about this week?” Sometimes just asking the question out loud will ignite my imagination.

Last week, however, I asked my five-year-old. In the late afternoon I let him watch a couple of T.V. shows, and between the shows I posed the question. Usually he answers, “I don’t know.” But today he said, “I’ll think about it after my show.” I nodded and then forgot about it.

But he didn’t. Later in the evening he came to me. “I know what you can write about for your newspaper column,” he said very seriously. I was all ears. He said, “You can write about what I like… I like riding my bike. I like watching T.V.”

I took the evening to consider his suggestion, and then I thought, why not? I’m sure my readers will want to know what the Hot Picks are for a five-year-old. Well, maybe some of you with grandchildren? Anyway, I interviewed my son, and here’s the scoop:

Me: “So you like riding your bike? Why?”

The five-year-old: “Because it’s fun.”

Me: “Why is it fun?”

The five-year-old: “Because it’s like riding in a car, but it has no steering wheel and no cover, and it has pedals that go up and down.”

Me: “And it has handlebars.”

The five-year-old: “Yes, it has handlebars.”

Me: “So what else do you like?”

The five-year-old: “I like riding my motorcycle [big wheel] because it’s fun, and it’s just like riding my bicycle. I can pretend I’m driving a car.”

He also told me that he likes playing with this little brother. When I asked why, he said, “Because he’s cute. And he helps me when I fall down. He helps me get up.”

“I like building my skyscraper too,” he told me. The skyscraper consists of two big boxes I taped together for him. One afternoon, however, he spent a lot of time “building it,” and he used tape, glue and string in the process.

I asked him, “Do you play in the skyscraper a lot?”

“Not much,” he said, “I have fun out here.” (In the living room, that is.)

He also volunteered that he likes to play outside with his Frisbee, and his favorite toy is his cobra snake. After that he said, “That’s enough.”

“But I need more for my column,” I pleaded. “I know you like hiking and lots of other things, right?”

“Yes,” he said, “But that’s all I feel like telling now.”

So there you have it. It was probably the most unsuccessful interview I have ever done. Usually people like to talk about themselves, but the five-year-old only had time for a brief interview because he had other important matters to tend to. He had dinosaurs to feed and kill.

When’s the last time you interviewed your child?

Posted in My Newspaper Columns | 2 Comments »

Tags: interview with five-year-old, my newspaper columns, parenting

March 3, 2012

Book Review: RAISING BOYS by Steve Biddulph

From my archives: Boys visiting a farm

Note: This column was printed in the Barrow Journal on February 29, 2012. You can read the online version by clicking here.

Last week I finished reading Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph. Not long ago I wrote about one of his other books, The Secret of Happy Children. Like that one, Raising Boys is short and easy to read. I found it full of useful advice.

Some of it was similar to Michael Gurian’s book, The Wonder of Boys, which I reviewed last year, but there’s enough difference that I highly recommend both. Busy parents may find Raising Boys more concise and practical for their needs, however.

Biddulph begins the book by noting that thirty years ago, a huge effort was raised to help girls gain confidence. While this was good (I think I benefitted from that), there was neglect when it came to boys. He writes, “…today, it’s the girls who are more sure of themselves, motivated, and capable. More girls than boys finish school, more girls go on to college, and they get better grades than boys.”

While this isn’t true for all boys, I have noticed other articles about boys and education reporting similar findings. But work has been underway to change how we treat boys.

Much is known now about the differences between the developments of boys and girls brains. Boys’ brains develop more slowly, and the left and right hemispheres of their brains are less well connected. Since we know this, we can take steps to help boys and girls as they develop.

Biddulph advises, “…when you chatter, interact and tell stories to babies, toddlers and school-age boys, you’re actually building their neural linkages so they will become men who are good with words and feelings.”

In the book Biddulph writes about the three distinct stages of development for boys. From birth to approximately six-years-old, boys are in the “learning to love” years. This is a time that mama is the star of the show, although dads are very important too. From six to fourteen, however, is “when fathers count the most.” After fourteen, boys begin to seek a wider world. They need mentors and caring adults in addition to their parents.

I learned in the book that boys like structure and need to know who’s in charge. “Wherever you see a gang of boys looking unruly, you know the adult leadership is failing,” Biddulph writes. Later he adds, “If the teacher, scoutmaster, or parent is kind and fair (as well as strict), boys will drop their macho act and get on with learning.”

He also explains that “if girls are anxious in a group setting, they tend to cower and be quiet” (that’s true for me!), but boys may run around and make noise.

I found it interesting that he noted that schools such as Montessori schools which engage boys in interesting hands-on work have less of a problem with unruly behavior. He also explains that girls can certainly behave like boys too, and many of the differences between girls and boys are slight.

Biddulph is a big proponent in having boys start school one year later than girls. I have read this many times and even talked to a kindergarten teacher about it, which is why I wouldn’t enroll my five-year-old in Kindergarten until next year, if I weren’t homeschooling.

Boys’ fine-motor skills and cognitive skills develop slower, so most of them would benefit from starting school later. Just watching my little boys, it’s evident to me that they need to move a lot. I don’t make my five-year-old sit at a desk for lessons for more than 20~30 minutes, and even when we are learning, I allow plenty of wiggling.

The book has a chapter each for fathers and mothers and explains the important roles each of them have in their boy’s development. There is also advice for single mothers, a chapter dedicated to finding and creating the right school environment for boys and much more.

My favorite quote from the book is: “Family life is a work in progress. You only get in trouble if you have to be right and you have to show them who’s boss. If you are human, it goes much better.” Raising Boys is an essential read for parents with young boys.

What parenting books would you recommend about raising boys and girls?

Posted in Books, My Newspaper Columns | 4 Comments »

Tags: book review, boys, parenting, Raising Boys, Steve Biddulph

February 29, 2012

Remembering my friend and storyteller, J.J. Reneaux

Note: I wrote this column for the Barrow Journal in 2009 in remembrance of my friend, J.J. Reneaux. Today, February 29, 2012 is the anniversary of her death. Since it only comes around every four years, I thought I’d repost it on my blog. J.J. is the person who first taught me the importance of oral storytelling.

It’s hard for me to believe that it’s been ~~ten~~ thirteen years ~~this week~~ today since my friend and children’s author/singer/songwriter/storyteller, J. J. Reneaux, died of cancer. I met her when she taught a storytelling class, and though I always loved stories and writing, she is the person who made me realize how important stories are in our everyday lives. Without stories, we would have no way of framing our own lives. They can offer wisdom, tell our history, entertain and enlighten us.

J. J. spent part of her life living in Southwest Louisiana, and the folk tales from her varied background, especially her Cajun roots, inspired her storytelling. According to her obituary (Athens Banner-Herald, March 3, 2000), J. J. won many awards for her books and recordings, including the Anne Izard Storyteller’s Choice Award for “Cajun Folktales.” Her book “How Animals Saved the People,” which is my favorite and was published posthumously, also won the Anne Izard Storytellers’ Choice Award and was chosen for the Outstanding Children’s Book of 2002 Award from the Southeast Booksellers Association. She toured in the U.S., Canada, the Caribbean, and Europe, and she was a regular guest at the National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, Tennessee.

I did not know how well known she was until I read her obituary. This is probably due in part to my naïveté and also her easy, humble manner. She had a beautiful, calm voice, and I looked up to her because I felt she had wisdom to impart to me. I still think of her often, and I’m grateful that during the short time I knew her, she made me feel welcome in her home. Whenever I feel like a fish out of water, I remember how she encouraged me to walk down my own path.

Before she died, I left for my yearlong stay in Japan where I was an assistant English teacher. Though I knew she was ill before I left, I never once thought she wouldn’t be here when I got back. I had looked forward to our continued friendship, so when I received word of her passing, it was very difficult for me.

I did receive hints of her condition before she died, however. I used to write long, rambling e-mails about my experience in Japan to family and friends, and she rarely returned my messages except once or twice. Once she told me that a person really learns whom their friends are when you are in a wheelchair. She added that she encountered some toddlers whose expressions were like, “Cool Wheels!” It’s this that tells me her courageous spirit was unwavering, and I can only hope to emulate that in my own life.

She left behind a loving husband and two children, and now that I’m inching up to the age she was when she passed, I can’t help but count my blessings and my stories. I plan to use stories liberally while educating my children. Moral lessons and history lessons are always more easily digested when they are learned through stories. Part of the reason I write this column, I think, is to record the stories I want my kids to remember. And if there is anything I can do for J.J., it’s write about her so that you can share in her stories too. So, please, next time you go to the library, look up one of her books. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Posted in My Newspaper Columns, Storytelling as a Teaching Tool | Leave a Comment »

Tags: Georgia, homeschooling, J. J. Reneaux, life stories, my newspaper columns, storytelling, storytelling as a teaching tool

February 26, 2012

Less Than Ideal Memories of My Early Education

Me and my kitty a very long time ago.

Note: This column was printed in the Barrow Journal on February 15, 2012.

When I was in the first grade, I sat next to a boy named Leo. Every Monday the teacher would put a list of spelling words on the blackboard, and we were supposed to write them down. I did it without a problem, but for some reason, Leo never completed this simple task. He would hand in an unfinished list of words.

Since this was an ongoing problem, the teacher decided to punish him for not completing the list of words. Every week after he handed in his almost blank sheet of paper, she’d take him out into the hallway and paddle his behind with one of those big, wooden paddles. This is when I began to notice him.

It happened every week, and every week, she’d take him into the hallway, and he’d return to his desk with tears in his eyes.

I don’t know when I started to do this, but each Monday as I was copying my words down, I’d glance over at Leo. I noticed that he was staring off into space. I waved my hand at him, and he looked at me. I pointed to his paper. He started writing again.

I don’t remember how many times I had to wave at him to get him to turn his attention back onto this spelling words, but I’ll never forget the look on his face when the teacher saw that he handed in a complete set of words. She praised him and patted him on the back. As he walked back to his seat, he smiled and looked at me.

I did it every single week after that, and that stupid teacher never knew it was me or that all he needed was a little help to refocus. Forgive me for calling a teacher “stupid,” but as I remember that, it makes me angry.

That’s the only memory I have of first grade. In second grade I remember being dismayed when on the first day of class, Leo walked into the room and immediately came to sit behind me. Since at that time I thought he was kind of dopey, I was embarrassed by his endearment for me.

I wish I could say that spanking has been eradicated completely in America’s schools, but it hasn’t. Though it’s banned in 31 states and D.C., it’s still legal in several other states. Did you know it’s legal in Georgia? Each district’s school board has a right to decide if it will be allowed.

If you’re surprised, you may find this recent article interesting: click here.

There has been legislation introduced to end corporal punishment in schools. H.R. 3027 is a bill in the first step of the legislative process. I hope it makes it further.

At least spanking is much less common now, and I’m sure it would never be used in such a manner as it was for Leo – a situation that did not require punishment. One of Georgia’s guidelines is that it “should never be used as a first line of punishment.”

Thank goodness we know more about children and their needs now. We know that children have different learning styles, that different kids learn at different paces, and they even have different needs when it comes to the environment they learn best in. Proactive parents can make a huge difference in a child’s education. (And, no, I’m not advocating homeschooling for everyone.)

The memory of Leo has been coming to my mind lately as I teach my son how to read. I’m experimenting with different methods to see what works best, and I’m trying to gauge if he’s even ready for it. Considering that I would put him into Kindergarten this coming fall, if I weren’t homeschooling, I would say he’s advanced for his level, so I’m not pushing it.

But last week I sat down with him and tried doing a word search with sight words. I don’t do many worksheets with him, but he liked it when he first saw it. However, after he found the first word, I saw Leo all over again. My son sat back and looked at the ceiling. “Look at the word,” I’d say. He’d glance at it. “You won’t be able to find it if you don’t even look.”

It makes me wonder if perhaps Leo was just too young to be in first grade at that time. It also makes me wonder if more students need a one-on-one tutor to remind them to look at the words or even tell them that it’s okay not to do that right now.

What memories – good or bad – do you have of your early education?

Posted in Life Stories, My Newspaper Columns | 5 Comments »

Tags: boys, education, first grade, Georgia, homeschooling, my newspaper columns, parenting, spanking in schools

February 23, 2012

What Labels Are We Placing on Homeschoolers?

Note: This column appeared in the print edition of the Barrow Journal on Wednesday, February 22, 2012.

A number of articles have been circulating lately about the growing diversity in homeschooling families. Publications such as the Houston Chronicle, USA Today, and Newsweek have each reported on the number of homeschoolers who don’t do it for religious reasons, which has been a stereotype of homeschoolers.

Then in Slate, Dana Goldstein wrote an article titled “Liberals, Don’t Homeschool Your Kids” in which she makes a case that homeschooling violates progressive values. Madeline Holler responded positively to Goldstein on Babble.com. She writes, “Homeschooling really isn’t the answer, certainly not for people who purport to value things like civic life and public institutions and who wish for those things to improve.”

While I’m glad the word is getting out that homeschoolers are a diverse group of people who choose to homeschool for a variety of reasons, I fear that more stereotypes are being made. So let’s review. When you hear I’m a homeschooler, you might assume one or more of the following:

I may be an evangelical Christian that wants to indoctrinate my children with a religious curriculum that shuns science.
Or, I’m a bleeding left-wing liberal who breastfeeds my children well into their toddler years.
If we aren’t religious, then we’re probably atheist.
You may think we co-sleep with our infants and that we do not trust public schools to teach our children anything.
Or, you may believe I’m a “helicopter parent” who will never let my children flourish independently on his or her own.
You might think I silently judge others for making their children spend six hours a day in “prison.”
Finally, you may believe that we are “uber-intellectual” parents that have plenty of extra income to homeschool.

For the record, none of those descriptions fit us. But since we are not religious fundamentalists, I guess that makes us liberal homeschoolers, at least in the eyes of some of these writers.

Dana Goldstein writes, “This overheated hostility toward public schools runs throughout the new literature on liberal homeschooling, and reveals what is so fundamentally illiberal about the trend: It is rooted in distrust of the public sphere, in class privilege, and in the dated presumption that children hail from two-parent families….”

She also writes, “If progressives want to improve schools, we shouldn’t empty them out. We ought to flood them with our kids, and then debate vociferously what they ought to be doing.”

First of all, why do I have to be labeled either liberal or conservative? I have some liberal views, and I have some conservative views too.

When it comes to homeschooling and staying home with my children, I’m more conservative, yet when it comes to rearing boys, I guess I’m liberal because I adhere to a few practices known as “attachment” parenting. But even then, I don’t fit the mold because I didn’t breastfeed my children until toddlerhood, co-slept with my infants or ever carry them in a sling. Where oh where can I fit in?

I respect those who don’t homeschool or adhere to my style of parenting. More than that, I understand that there are many people who can’t do what I do. Though believe it or not, there are many homeschoolers who didn’t choose to homeschool in the first place.

Having read many forums on homeschooling, I can tell you that homeschoolers are diverse and teach their children at home for more reasons than we can count. There are single parents, financially struggling parents, and as I mentioned, parents who had no plans to ever homeschool. They put their child in school, but something went wrong. I have heard stories about parents who tried to make changes at their child’s school, but they got fed-up and turned to homeschooling.

I think that is more than what those writers can see when they try to lay a guilt trip saying progressive homeschoolers are hurting the wider community by not putting their children in school.

Sure, if I wanted to, I could put my children in school and fight to change them in a positive way, but what kind of energy and time would it take on my part to actually make a difference? I would have to rally the support of many families, and then we’d have to agree on what changes we wanted. Do you think we could agree on what changes would make an ideal school environment for all our children?

Part of the reason I’m homeschooling is because I believe children deserve to have individualized attention when it comes to finding out what is the best way they learn. Another reason is because I want my boys to have more freedom to move and play outdoors. What works for my kids wouldn’t necessarily work for other kids.

Yet I don’t think of public school as prison. Despite the problems our schools have, it’s not lost on me that a lot of good goes on there. I read articles about student’s achievements, awards, and projects. I know teachers who engage and motivate their students. Good teachers are important role models and mentors for young people. I’ll always support our schools, and when I’m able, I’ll do for the greater good.

But I’m not going waste my time trying to change my local schools when my priority right now is my children. I’m not going to use what little free time I have to serve the wider community when I desperately need to nurture my own mind and body so that I can meet the demands of this household.

You can’t help others before you help yourself. You have to get your own affairs in order before you can give to others. Does this mean I’m conservative or liberal? I believe I’m doing what most Americans are doing – doing what they think is right for their families and what they can to get by.

Note: Since I wrote this column, Dana Goldstein has responded to the overwhelming response she received on her article in Slate. You can read that by clicking here. You may also enjoy reading Why Homeschooling Is a Boon to a Liberal Society in The Atlantic by Conor Friedersdorf. I also enjoyed reading Liberal Homeschoolers: What We Really Are on the blog, Quarks and Quirks.

Please tell me what you think.

Posted in Homeschooling in the Media, My Newspaper Columns | 17 Comments »

Tags: Dana Goldstein, homeschooling in the media, liberal homeschooling, my newspaper columns, response to criticism against homeschooling, secular homeschooling, Slate

February 18, 2012

Why I Love LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE

This lovely photo was captured by Tambako the Jaquar. Click image to go to original source.

Note: This column appeared in the Barrow Journal on February 1, 2012.

Last year when my husband brought home the DVD box sets of Little House on the Prairie, I laughed. Little House on the Prairie? I said. It’s for the kids, he said.

I was surprised he would be willing to watch Little House even if he did love it as a child. I did too. I remember wishing Michael Landon was my father and that I could run around on a farm like Melissa Gilbert’s character, Laura Ingalls.

But as an adult, memories of Little House conjure up words like “sentimental” and “idealistic.” Not to mention Michael Landon’s perfect hair.

But when we started watching it, I once again started wishing Michael Landon was my father (the one he played in TV – not the one in real life), and I wish I could be the spunky Laura, sticking up for what’s right in the world.

As a child, the television show was good entertainment, but as an adult, I realize that it was a show that attempted to deal with serious issues, and because of this, I have a newfound respect for it. Watching it now, I realize that I probably acquired many of my values from that show.

Yes, the Ingalls portrayed the ideal family. The mom and dad, Caroline and Charles, are wonderful people. Their children are wholesome and good. They love their parents and want to please them and even contribute to their family’s welfare when things get tough.

I don’t see many flaws in their characters except perhaps for Charles’ temper, which only seems to flare up when I – as a viewer – want it to. And you can hardly call Laura’s spirited character flawed. When she gets in trouble, the viewer is usually cheering her on.

The show supplies the quintessential antagonists – the haughty storeowner Mrs. Oleson and her daughter, Nellie. They look down on the Ingalls and do everything they can to let everyone in town know that they are more sophisticated and have more money.

Are these well-worn stereotypes and clichés? They certainly are, but I’m not sure they would have been back when the show aired from 1974 -1983. Watching it again, I find it fun and refreshing to watch something that clearly marks the line between good and not so good.

Despite Michael Landon’s perfect hair, the show still offers a view of life in the 19^th century. My five-year-old started asking questions like “Didn’t they drive cars?” and “Don’t they have a television?”

The show did a good job at depicting some of the harsh living conditions for early white settlers in America, including a snowstorm that almost killed the character of Charles, the death of Charles’ and Caroline’s baby, and what happened when crops were ruined and the family couldn’t pay their bills.

It’s been a good opportunity to introduce my son to that life in the “olden days.” He has even gotten the connection between life depicted on that show and the real-life and well-preserved William Harris Homestead, which we visit often. (www.harrishomestead.com)

As was typical of a family like the Ingalls, they were churchgoers and had a deep faith in God. Whether you’re religious or not, I don’t think anyone could argue with the lessons that Little House on the Prairie was trying to teach, which is why I think it’s a great show for young viewers. I like that Charles always had a different perspective than his sweet, devout wife, and I like that Laura is a girl with a strong and defiant spirit. She tries to do what is right even if it means getting in a little trouble.

In one episode, the residents of Walnut Grove have to deal with some “bullies” that try to settle there, though bully is too kind of a word for them. In anger Charles says to the preacher, “Don’t go telling me there’s good in all people.” The final lesson was that while we should give everyone a fair chance, there’s a time when you have to stand up for what’s right.

The show alternates between these serious topics and more light-hearted stories and watching them affirms for me the idea that what makes any story – or television series – stand the test of time is when it deals with universal topics. The scenarios on Little House are still applicable today, and I’ve sure met my share of Mrs. Olesons.

Today television scriptwriters may do a better job of painting more shades of gray, but in the end, we always like it better when the good guy wins. In a world with many bad endings, I’m glad we still have shows like Little House on the Prairie to watch and remember.

What shows did you love to watch when you were a child?

Posted in Life Stories, My Newspaper Columns | 1 Comment »

Tags: history, homeschooling, Little House on the Prairie, my newspaper columns, parenting

February 15, 2012

Hiking at Harris Shoals Park

Harris Shoals Park, Watkinsville, Georgia

Note: This column was printed in the Barrow Journal on February 8, 2012.

Now that the boys are getting a little older, we’re ready to hit the trails. My husband initiated a hiking ritual for our family, and at Christmas, he and I got some new boots to make it official. This has been a great winter to start hiking as a family because of the mild weather we’re having.

We love going to Ft. Yargo, but one of our goals is to explore as many parks and other wildlife areas that’s not too far away. Since the boys are still young, we have to ease them into hiking. Maybe by next year, they’ll be ready for some mountain trails!

Last week we went to Harris Shoals Park in Watkinsville. The entrance of the park is at Harris Shoals Drive, which is located on Highway 53 between Interstate 441 and VFW Drive. The small park provides a valuable green space between the interstate and the town of Watkinsville.

There’s a large playground for kids with one of the biggest and best slides around, and the park offers some shelters and BBQ pits for parties. There’s also a baseball field. We headed over to the shoals, however, because my boys love the water.

The water that flows over the shoals is Calls Creek and eventually it meets up with the Middle Oconee River. The shoals are flat rocks that have been there for thousands of years and have been eroded slowly over time. It’s a picturesque and peaceful place despite the fact that you can hear some of the traffic on the surrounding roads.

It’s easy to walk out onto the rocks and splash in the water or in the case of my boys, throw rocks into the water. My two-year-old is like a robot when he sees water. He throws rocks and little twigs in the river without even looking up to see their splash! We literally have to drag him away when it’s time to go.

The flow of the water over the shoals was slowed somewhat when a dam was built upstream for the old Watkinsville Water Treatment Plant. Take a short walk up the Harris Shoals Nature Trail, and you’ll be able to see the dam.

According to a leaflet that was provided by Christopher Adams for an Eagle Scouts Project this past fall, “The marsh area behind the dam used to be a more prominent creek until dammed up and was used to hold and treat water which was then pumped up to the city….After the water plant was abandoned, the dam area overgrew to the current marsh like condition of today.”

The area is a haven for wildlife. Up the trail a bit, we found a beaver dam, and I’m not sure if the beavers still live there, but we also found evidence of their presence at a big tree stump which looked as if it had been chewed considerably by the large teeth of a beaver.

As we were walking, we also saw many birds, including a beautiful heron, which took flight at the sound of my children’s chattering and footsteps. A marsh area like this would also be home for many fish, reptiles and amphibians. We did see some little fish in the water at a place we stopped to rest while the boys threw more rocks and twigs into the water.

My favorite part of the park is the long bridge that crosses through the marsh. I don’t think I’d want to cross that bridge in the middle of August, but right now it gives an interesting view to marshland. I bet if you sat on that bridge alone in the early morning, you could watch some wild animals too.

Next time you feel like getting out into nature, drive over to Harris Shoals Park. Bring a picnic and sit down next to the shoals, and don’t forget to pick up a few rocks to throw in the water too.

Where are your favorite places to go hiking?

Posted in Field trips, Homeschooling, My Newspaper Columns, Nature, Resources for Georgia Homeschoolers, Traditions / Rituals / Holidays | Leave a Comment »

Tags: getting kids out into nature, hiking, homeschooling, my newspaper columns

February 11, 2012

My Childhood Memories in Nature

my eldest boy as a tot - tree hugger in training

Note: This column was printed in the Barrow Journal on January 25, 2012.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot about the importance for children and adults to get out into nature. If there’s one thing I appreciate about my own childhood, it’s that my parents both enjoyed the outdoors and most of our family vacations were spent on the scenic highways of this country.

Though we only lived there four years, I also fondly remember the two-story house we owned in Littleton, Colorado. It had a large yard with several small fruit trees and a garden that lined the back fence. The cherry and apple trees bloomed beautifully in the spring.

In the winter, my mom would warm up my coat and snow pants by an electric heater, and then she’d bundle me up and send me outside to play in the snow. I kept myself occupied making snow angels and boot prints, and I lived in an active make-believe world, though sadly I don’t remember much about it now.

I do remember one time playing in the snow and sensing that something just flew past my head. I turned to look behind me, but I saw nothing. Back to playing, it happened again. Finally, a snowball hit me on my back. I turned to find my big brother laughing and darting behind the side of the house.

When I was in the eighth grade, my best friend’s godmother took my friend and me snow skiing. It was during the week, and we were the only two skiers on the bunny slope. In my attempt to ski straight to the beginning of the line at the chair lift, I slid by the ropes and straight into a pole. Perhaps that’s when I became less enamored with snow.

My dad loved boating, so when we lived in Las Vegas, Nevada, he took me to Lake Mead. We would park the boat in one of the many sandy coves, and I’d go exploring. Once while I was exploring, my quiet reverie was interrupted by the loudest, blood-curdling sound I had ever heard. It sounded like a ship’s horn. I stood up and there across the cove on the opposite beach was a wild donkey staring me down. Obviously I was too close to his territory, and he let me know about it.

I remember another time boating on Lake Mohave, which is on the opposite side of the Hoover Dam. We found a lone big horn sheep on the bank near the water, and he stared at us in the boat, and we took several photos of him.

I also remember the nights we slept on the lake and the view I had of the Milky Way. The universe was an arm’s length away. I remember campfires, hot springs, and high cliffs streaked with nature’s palette of reds, browns and golds.

While having these adventures, I’m sure I didn’t appreciate them enough or realize how rare they were for most kids my age. Now I know they made an indelible impression on me, and I’m an outdoorswoman at heart.

Most of our ventures outside were uneventful unless you consider the countless times my dad’s vehicles stalled and needed repair. We were stranded many times, but to a young child, this isn’t so bad. It just meant more time in nature, and more time to count the stars.

I hope my boys will remember playtime in their wooded yard, hunting for snakes and jumping in piles of leaves. I hope they will fondly look back on the hiking trails, picnics and parks we visited. I hope it will teach them to always seek out nature because we all need it to rejuvenate our bodies and minds.

What childhood memories of nature do you have?

Posted in Life Stories, My Newspaper Columns, Nature | 3 Comments »

Tags: getting kids out into nature, life stories, my newspaper columns, nature, parenting

February 5, 2012

Getting An Education Through My Kids

This is a column that I wrote for the Barrow Journal. It was printed on January 11, 2012, and you can view the online version by clicking here. I think that getting an education through our kids is something that can happen for all parents, not just homeschoolers! (Although if you’re a homeschooler, you will definitely be learning with your kids!)

One of the great things about having kids is that I’m learning all kinds of facts that I didn’t learn or retain in school. I have read somewhere that most of the information we learn before seventh grade will be forgotten, and I think that was especially true for me.

I know I learned about the planets and solar system in school, but I couldn’t remember much about it when I started teaching it to my son. Do you remember the order of the planets?

The closest to the sun is Mercury, and then there’s Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus (which is pronounced YOOR-ah-nuss), Neptune, and when I was a kid, Pluto came next, but it’s not considered a planet anymore. It’s a “dwarf planet.”

Having children is a great opportunity to watch a lot of nature shows, and it’s been great fun to learn more about animals and the earth. For example, I’ve learned that Australia has so many poisonous critters that I might think twice about traveling there.

I didn’t know that dolphins and porpoises are a kind of whale, or that snakes smell with their tongues. There are also a gazillion animals that I didn’t know existed before I had children. To name a very few: narwhal, tapir, sloth, puffer fish and the desert horned lizard that can squirt blood out of its eyes for defense.

Since my five-year-old is interested in the human body, I’ve learned what the tibia and fibula are as well as the radius and ulna. I have also learned that an adult bladder can stretch to the size of a grapefruit when it’s full, and I doubt that information will ever serve me well in this life, but you never know.

I’ve also tried things I probably wouldn’t have tried on my own like planting pumpkins, sprouting pinto beans in a jar, and collecting seeds from flowers to grow the next spring. We’ve been to the zoo, aquarium and the nature center so many times that we’ve been able to observe the animals at different times when they are awake and not sleeping!

Perhaps I would be learning more about our world even if I didn’t have kids. Now that I’m older, wiser and don’t have to go to school, I like learning, but surely I would not have my imagination stretched like it is when my five-year-old lectures me about his latest made-up animal with a preposterous name and bad eating habits.

I would have never guessed that a long strand of wild onion could turn into an eel that eats ants. I don’t think I would have realized that toy dinosaurs need to go outside to eat, and even after we come back inside they need to sit out by the grass and keep eating because they’re so hungry.

And what about the exercise I’m getting? How much more fun is running when you get to pretend you’re a horse or an eagle?

I have always said that learning is a lifelong endeavor, and I hope to pass that sentiment on to my children. I’ll also be able to tell them stories about how they broadened my horizons and put a silver lining around my diploma.

Posted in Motherhood, My Newspaper Columns | 5 Comments »

Tags: homeschooling, motherhood, my newspaper columns, parenting

January 5, 2012

What Are We Preparing Our Children For?

Note: This column was printed in the January 4, 2012 edition of The Barrow Journal.

For several weeks I’ve been mulling this topic over in my head: What am I preparing my children for? The question came to me after I read the article, “My Parents Were Home-schooling Anarchists” in the New York Times Magazine.

In the article, the parents homeschooled their children in the early years, but they did not follow any academic standards. They lived outside the U.S., but later they moved back and both parents got full-time jobs, so they put their children into public school. At that time, the kids were unprepared academically or socially for the school environment.

The children in that article are adults now and seem fine, though I think it’s unfortunate that many people may read it and acquire a negative opinion of homeschooling. I think the article had more to say about that particular family than about homeschooling in general.

But it brought the question to my mind that I mentioned above. What am I preparing my children for? This is a question that all parents should ask themselves whether they homeschool or not.

For homeschoolers, it is important to consider whether or not you will put your children into public school at some point because homeschooling until middle school may look very different than homeschooling until college.

I experienced a very different culture in middle and high school than I ever did after I graduated. After graduating from high school, I was able to make my own choices, and I put myself where and with whom I wanted to be.

Homeschooled kids will be different because of their different experiences, and though different can be quite good, depending on their age and maturity, they may not be ready to enter the world of peer pressure. In my research I have mostly read about the success of homeschooled students entering public school, but parents do need to think about this and make sure their children are ready to enter public school.

On a broader level, I am asking myself this question because whether I homeschool for a few years or all the way through high school, I know I want to prepare my kids for more than what a typical public school education would give them. All parents do this to a certain degree: School prepares them for academics. Parents prepare them for life.

But do we? There are many students entering college or graduating from college, but they know little to nothing about how to manage daily life. Why is it such a shock to young people when suddenly they are on their own and they have to cook, clean and pay the bills? Should we blame it all on immaturity? I think parents could do a better job of preparing their kids, and it should start when they’re young.

Whether or not I’ll be able to succeed in teaching my children academics and how to live a happy, productive life remains to be seen. But as I go about planning their education at home, I want to consider what their needs will be for their Whole Life, and by “whole” I mean all aspects of their lives: home life, vocations, finances, and spiritual lives, i.e. how to handle failure, how to relax, and how to be productive in this life. That might sound high minded, but when it comes to my children, I’m not aiming low.

I want to teach my children how to manage a household and take care of their basic needs. They’ll learn to cook, clean and do laundry. I don’t understand parents who don’t make their kids do chores even in the name of “they need more time to study.” When I was in Japan, I learned that their schools did not have janitors. The students cleaned the schools! Twenty minutes a day was devoted to cleaning and taking out trash.

I’ll also teach them about money management, and depending on their age and ability, I’ll let them know exactly where we stand as a household in money matters. I already tell my five-year-old when something is too expensive for us to buy, and when I say that, he doesn’t pester me for it again.

Financial literacy is so important that it should be taught in high school. Kids are signing up for college loans that they may or may not be able to pay back, and it saddens me to know people who have made such bad financial decisions that they’ve created a lifetime worth of debt.

We expect kids to go to school and learn how to read, write, do math, and know some history, yet they enter the world without a clue about how to manage daily life. There is more to life than what schools are teaching our kids, and it’s the parent’s job to fill in those gaps. Whether homeschooling or not, we need to think about what we’re preparing our children for and give them the tools to lead balanced, happy lives.

Please stay tuned….in my upcoming posts, I’ll be talking about our homeschool mission, priorities, and exactly how I’m homeschooling my young children at this time.

Posted in A Bit o' Me Philosophy, Homeschooling, Homeschooling in the Media, My Newspaper Columns | 11 Comments »

Tags: homeschooling, my newspaper columns, parenting, preparing kids for Life

December 31, 2011

We All Matter

Note: This column first appeared in the December 28, 2011 edition of the Barrow Journal.

Last week I received a touching e-mail from a man in Australia who had found a column I wrote last year about my friend, J.J. Reneaux. She was a famous storyteller, musician and award-winning writer, and she died of cancer over ten years ago.

He wrote, “I have no great reason to write to you except that I thought it wouldn’t hurt to lend some affirmation to your feeling that she had a good and positive influence on peoples’ lives.”

He went on to tell me how he had bought her book, Cajun Folktales, while on a trip to New Orleans in the 1990s. His eldest daughter, who is now 23, fondly remembers the tales, and his younger children enjoy them now.

He wrote of his son: “It’s certainly his favourite book and I think will be something, a shared experience, he may remember forever.” This is important to him because he, too, is dying of cancer.

I was deeply saddened to learn about his fate, yet I was awed how J.J. is still affecting people’s lives…and even their afterlives. And it affirmed for me a deep belief: that we all have meaning. The stories we create in this life will keep affecting people well after we are gone.

But I’m not talking about stories we make up and write down in a book. J.J. taught me that my personal story matters. How do I choose to live this life?

Last year I also wrote about the kindness shown to me by an employee at the Winder Publix on Highway 11. There was a terrible storm outside, and I needed help to my car even though I would never ask for it. Though it was part of his job, this gentleman went the extra mile to help me, and the good cheer he showed me that morning stayed with me all day.

I’m sure we all have stories of meeting people whose enthusiasm for life is contagious. Sure, there are those who feign happiness for the sake of appearances, but the sincere ones have an easy way about them. We know it’s real, and it makes us feel good.

I’m not an award-winning writer whose stories will be read for many generations like J.J.’s, and I may not be remembered for bending over backwards for a stranger, but I realize that the thoughts I hold and the attitude I wear can make a difference. Opening a door, picking up a pen that someone dropped, or even a smile can help a little. Moreso, scowling at the world, cutting someone off in traffic, or yelling at people for no good reason can have crippling affects that spread out.

That pebble thrown into water metaphor comes to my mind: “Every act of kindness is like a pebble thrown in a pond sending out ripples far beyond where the pebble entered the water. When we’re caring and kind to our neighbors, our actions send rings of kindness that spread from neighbor to neighbor to neighbor.” That’s attributed to Angela Artemis.

If there’s one New Year’s resolution I make this year, it will be to remember that my actions have a larger meaning than I usually give them credit for. Without my knowing it, something I said, did or wrote could affect someone miles away, long after I’m gone. I hope you’ll remember that too. You matter. We all matter.

Posted in Life Stories, My Newspaper Columns, Storytelling as a Teaching Tool | 6 Comments »

Tags: how our actions affect others, J. J. Reneaux, my newspaper columns, storytelling

December 24, 2011

The Best Christmas Gifts For This Tired Mama

Lucky me: the five-year-old took over the big job of decorating the tree this year!

Note: This column appeared in the Barrow Journal on December 22, 2011.

Last week we trimmed the tree, or, actually, my five-year-old trimmed the tree. I assembled it and put the lights on, and then he put on every single ornament by himself. He got very irritated with me if I tried to put one on. He wanted to do it all by himself.

I know what you’re thinking, and you are right. It’s not the most organized tree, but it’s still quite pretty. At least with the help of a stepladder the ornaments are not clustered at the bottom of the tree.

And this is when I realized something. Things are starting to get a tad…a smidge…a little bit easier around here. My boys are five and two-years-old. They have fleeting moments of extreme independence.

Since their birthdays in August, I’ve noticed that sometimes they play happily without me. They play pretty well with each other, but sometimes they take off in different directions. I’m still shocked when my two-year-old will go upstairs by himself to play with the GeoTrax. He is actually being good. By himself!

This is the best Christmas present that this mama can get: pockets of free time. I still have plenty to do, including the dishes, laundry, and write my column, but it’s wonderful to be able to write during the day when I’m not so tired instead of late at night.

Don’t get me wrong though. These pockets of time last twenty minutes at most, and the boys still keep my hopping. They fight, the two-year-old can be so fussy, and when I get time to myself, I’m frequently interrupted.

But I’m here to tell any parent with children younger than mine that it does happen! It gets a little easier. It took five long years, but it does happen.

It could also be that I’ve been more intentional about trying to relax. I try not to spend every night at my computer, and I always end the day with a good book instead of staring at my to-do list. Once a week I’m committing myself to movie night too. This might not seem like much, but until a few weeks ago, I had not sat down to watch a movie for pleasure in years.

I found out that my husband has been doing his own thinking on how we could relax. He surprised me by saying for Christmas he wanted to get us both a new pair of hiking boots. Day hikes in the mountains were a frequent recreation of ours before we had kids, and now that the boys are a little older, he wants to start again and take the boys with us.

I jumped for joy. Though I frequently take the boys out to parks, I sorely miss going hiking. We’ll have to stick to easier trails for our young children, but it’ll be wonderful to make getting into nature with the family more of a habit.

So we got our boots, and today we did our first “hike” at Ft. Yargo. (Aren’t we lucky that we live in Barrow County and have this treasure in our backyard?) On our inaugural hike, I learned not to expect much. The boys would rather throw rocks and clamshells into the water than actually move down the trail. The two-year-old tires quickly, and they both need a good supply of snack food on hand.

But it didn’t damper my enthusiasm. It’s just the beginning for this outdoorsy family.

I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful holiday. No matter how you celebrate, I hope it’s a peaceful, happy time for you. I hope there’s someone with you to snuggle up to on the cold evenings, and I hope you get some great gifts too.

Posted in Motherhood, My Newspaper Columns, Traditions / Rituals / Holidays | 3 Comments »

Tags: Christmas, motherhood, my newspaper columns, parenting

December 16, 2011

What qualifications are required of parents who homeschool?

The law in Georgia states, “Parents or guardians may teach only their own children in the home study program, provided the teaching parent or guardian possesses at least a high school diploma or a general educational development (GED) equivalency diploma, but the parents or guardians may employ a tutor who holds a high school diploma or a general educational development diploma to teach such children.”

The law only requires a parent to possess a high school diploma or equivalent to homeschool their child, but I believe there are many other qualifications a parent needs to homeschool. I’m not talking about higher education. I’m talking about a commitment to their child and to fostering an environment of learning.

Above all, parents who homeschool should love learning. It doesn’t matter how educated you are, but do you love to learn? Are you willing to learn along with your child? Explore the world of ideas and great thinkers?

Parents who don’t like to read are probably not going to foster the love of reading in their child. Sometimes a child will have a natural propensity for learning, but I believe if given the right environment, all children will want to learn.

One of the best ways to get children to learn is to create an environment full of educational opportunities. Leave books on the coffee table and children will want to open them. Be willing to answer their incessant questions and teach them how to find answers. They will keep asking more questions, and eventually they’ll start finding their own answers.

Parents who shrug off questions or the interests of their children because they are too tired or don’t think the child’s interest is worthy enough are doing a huge disservice to their children. This is how children learn that what they think doesn’t matter. They’ll resent learning what others think they should know, and soon they’ll hate learning altogether.

But follow your child’s interests, and it’ll lead you on a long journey that will take you everywhere you want your child to go and farther. You’ll be able to motivate your child to read and write because he’ll see that by learning to read and write, he’ll be able to do what he loves better! (You don’t have to homeschool to do this either!)

Besides learning alongside your child, you’ll need to take time to research the various options available to homeschoolers. There are all sorts of teaching methods, and no one method works for everybody.

In addition, parents should learn about their child’s particular learning style. This will help you tremendously as you decide what approach to homeschooling you want to take. Discover Your Child’s Learning Style by Mariaemma Willis and Victoria Kindle Hodson or similar text is a must-read for all parents.

Homeschooling comes with its own sacrifices. Though it doesn’t have to cost a fortune, most families who homeschool live on one income. However, some parents manage to both work, and there are single parents who homeschool too, but whatever your situation, it will certainly be a sacrifice on your time.

Every mother knows that her free time diminishes with each child she has, but homeschooling mothers, especially, get little free time. It can be frustrating and exhausting, especially if you don’t have a good support network of friends and family.

Depending on where you live, you may have to drive to find other homeschoolers or activities and classes to join. Homeschooling parents have to be willing to get out there and meet other families and children so that their kids can socialize. This can be easier said than done, but fortunately there are more and more opportunities for homeschoolers to get together.

Just like parenting in general, homeschooling parents need to be flexible and willing to change if their approach isn’t working. They need to listen to their child and the needs of the whole family. If you are a controlling person with an inflexible agenda, you will have a tough time homeschooling.

Helen Keller’s teacher, Anne Sullivan, said, “Children require guidance and sympathy far more than instruction.” Parents of homeschoolers will succeed if they are willing to guide their children on a path of life-long learning.

Note: This column was first published in the The Barrow Journal on December 14, 2011.

What qualifications do you think homeschooling parents need to possess?

Posted in Homeschooling, My Newspaper Columns | Leave a Comment »

Tags: Georgia, homeschooling, homeschooling in georgia, law, my newspaper columns, parenting, qualifications to homeschool

December 10, 2011

Book: Reflections on The Secret of Happy Children

Recently I read the book The Secret of Happy Children by Steve Biddulph, which is an oldie but goodie in the world of parenting books. The title appealed to me because like every mother, I want my kids to be happy. I also like the fact that it’s not a long book, and Biddulph writes with ease and humor.

He also gained my trust by writing at the beginning of the book, “I still believe experts are a hazard to your family! If you listen to your own heart it will always tell you what the best way is to raise your children.”

I liked that because up until this last year, I have been loath to read many parenting books. I know I’m not an expert, but whenever I start reading about parenting, I get anxious because there’s always something in those words of wisdom that I’m not doing. I let my kids watch more T.V. than the experts say they should, I lose my patience, and I don’t always remain calm.

Yes, I know it’s normal, but when you start to read parenting advice, the logical part of you that says, “Nobody is perfect, and kids don’t need perfect” gets blurred because you want to be a good parent.

But it’s better to be informed. How can we get better if we never educate ourselves? So I read the book, and I’m glad I did. I know I won’t be perfect, but it gave me some things to think about.

In his first chapter, Biddulph talks about the negative programming parents give their children when they are unaware of it. Most of us adults come equipped with the programming our parents gave us. Did they tell you that you would never amount to anything? Compare you to someone else? Tell you that you were lazy or selfish?

“Children,” Biddulph writes, “with their brilliant, perceptive ways, will usually live up to our expectations!”

He writes that while any of us would recognize the extreme negative statements, most of the programming is subtler. “Observe children playing in a vacant lot, climbing trees,” he writes, “‘You’ll fall!’ ‘Watch out!’ ‘You’ll slip!’ cries the voice of their anxious mother….”

“Don’t be a pest” is one example he also gives, and I have to admit, I have used that myself. If used continually, this kind of talk will create “seeds that will grow and shape the child’s self-image, eventually becoming part of his personality.”

I think it’s hard to be conscious of everything we say to our children. When I’m tired and burned out by being a mother, who knows what kind of messages I’m sending just with my attitude? But since I read his book, I’ve been making strides at keeping myself more well rested and with a grateful attitude. I know I’m a more uplifting mom when I can do that.

The rest of the book offers alternatives to this kind of parenting, including chapters on “active listening” and the “assertive parent” (vs. the aggressive or passive parent). It covers what to do with tantrums, whining, and reminds us to foster a healthy relationship with our partners and also to take care of our own needs.

What stuck with me the most was his chapter on “What Children Really Want.” Though it should be common sense, every parent can use the reminder that when kids act up, it means that they have unmet needs. And usually what they want the most is our love and attention. Not half-the-attention-on-them and half-the-attention-on-our-smart-phones, but our full attention.

I read somewhere else recently that toddlers need at least one hour of sit-our-butts-on-the-floor and play with them per day. This may not seem like a long time, but if you are a parent, you know one hour is a very long time to sit and give our full attention to playful activities that are thrilling to children yet mind-numbing to adults.

Biddulph says parents should give their children (of all ages) at least half an hour a day of full attention. Let the rest of the world go, and listen, play, be with your child. That’s not much time in the big scheme of things.

I am a stay-at-home mom with the luxury of time with my children, but even I can use that advice. Adults have stress and work that takes our minds away from our kids even when we’re with them. So I appreciate the parenting advice Biddulph gives, and I highly recommend this book to any parent looking for more insights on how to raise happy kids.

Note: This column originally appeared in the October 7, 2011 edition of the Barrow Journal.

Posted in Books, My Newspaper Columns | 4 Comments »

Tags: book, book review, my newspaper columns, parenting, recommended books, Steve Biddulph, The Secret of Happy Children

December 1, 2011

The Best-laid Plans of Parents with Small Children

Note: This column first appeared in the Barrow Journal on November 30, 2011.

As you know from my previous column, we were looking forward to our first Thanksgiving at home with just the four of us. No traveling. No need to power clean the house. Just a quiet, relaxing day with a turkey dinner. Unfortunately, my two-year-old woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning. It’s typical at his age to have tantrums. He wants to be more independent, and he can’t always communicate his needs, which leads to a lot of frustration. It’s stressful being two.

However, there are some days when he’ll go from calm to tempest quicker and more frequently throughout the day. Is it the terrible twos? Teething? “Unmet needs” as the family therapist says in the parenting book that is sitting on my bedside table? If I knew what his unmet needs were, I would gladly take care of them!

I have no idea why he is like this sometimes. Unfortunately, he picked Thanksgiving to have an off day. We all have off days, don’t we? Two-year-olds are not excluded from that.

He cried and pointed to objects that he wanted and then didn’t want after I handed them to him. He slept well, I held him and played with him, yet he was unsettled all day.

Mid-morning I changed his diaper and he decided he didn’t want to wear another one. Okay, I thought, we don’t have to go anywhere; we’ll start potty training on Thanksgiving. Not what I had planned, but I’m game. Fortunately, it didn’t take long for him to find out why diapers are helpful. To clean him up, I put him in the bathtub, and his older brother stayed in the bathroom, and they played together with the water and toys for a long time. That wasn’t so bad.

After the bath, he screamed about the clothes he had to wear. Did I mention he’s refusing to wear a coat outside and has to pull his long sleeves up on his arms? Oh yes, he’s spirited. Someday that spirit will serve him well. For now, it will cause more gray hairs on his mama’s head.

Right before dinner he was upset too, crying as I helped my husband put the finishing touches on our dinner table. (A big thanks to my husband for cooking the Thanksgiving turkey.) With a child clinging to my leg, I finished the mashed potatoes.

By the time I sat down at the dinner table I was sweating, my husband was irritable, but the two-year-old was finally happy eating his meal. That’s all we were thankful for at that moment.

The day wasn’t all bad, though. In the morning my boys and I put on some finger puppet shows, and during the two-year-old’s nap, my five-year-old and I played outside in the beautiful weather, and in the evening, we watched a movie.

Later that night I was reading Falling Through Space: The Journals of Ellen Gilchrist. In one essay she wrote about spending 38 hours alone with her two grandchildren, ages 4 and 1.

She states, “I am here to report that taking care of small children is the single most exciting, complicated, difficult, creative and maddening job on all the green earth.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself, but I’m still grateful for my boys, bad days and all.

How do you deal with the unpredictability of children?

Posted in Life Stories, Motherhood, My Newspaper Columns, Traditions / Rituals / Holidays | 2 Comments »

Tags: life stories, motherhood, my newspaper columns, parenting, terrible twos

November 23, 2011

Creating New Family Traditions

There’s a time when old traditions need to die, a time for new traditions, and a time when old traditions can be reborn with new meaning.

In years past, I have always felt a little lonely during the holidays. I wished I had a big, happy family that didn’t live so far apart, so we could all come together and eat a lot of food, play games, and exchange stories.

My husband and I are usually invited to a relative’s home each Thanksgiving, and we’ve always gone, but this year I did an uncomfortable thing and turned down the invitation. It’s because I began to think about what kind of memories I want to create for my two boys.

Except for my dad and step-mom, we rarely see our Georgia relatives during the year, so for my boys, it would almost be like visiting a stranger’s house on the holiday. What do I really want for them? I want them to remember the holidays in their childhood home with their loved ones.

So this year we’re going to have a cozy Thanksgiving at home, and we’ll make a big meal (big to us, that is), and we’ll start the tradition of stating what we’re thankful for at the dinner table.

This time of year has got me thinking about family traditions in general too. A few years ago, I had a conversation with my brother (who is also starting his family) about how we need to create our own family traditions, especially since so many of our traditions were blurred by divorce and moving from state to state.

Shortly after having that conversation, my brother and sister-in-law sent me some books about creating family traditions as a Christmas gift. The Book of New Family Traditions by Meg Cox and Together Creating Family Traditions by Rondi Hillstrom Davis and Janell Sewall Oakes are beautiful books that have given me many good ideas.

Yet I’m aware that the best traditions spring forth spontaneously. I have to be careful about stating, “Here is a new tradition we are going to start…” What if I’m the only one on board that boat? Traditions need to be something the whole family enjoys.

We all have traditions whether we realize it or not. Religions give us many of our traditions. My family follows the Christian traditions of observing Christmas and Easter, and we’ll continue to do so. Traditions can also be unique to each family.

In The New Book of Family Traditions, I read about a family that every month during the full moon, they go outside and roast marshmallows in the moonlight. By coincidence, my family took a moonlit walk the other night. We showed our son where Jupiter was and looked for constellations. It was so much fun, I’m wondering if I could make that happen every month. (Or almost every month?)

Traditions can be simple daily exercises. Some people say grace before mealtimes; others enjoy a slow cup of coffee in the mornings (that’s me). Come to think of it, I have already started the ritual of telling my five-year-old a story every night. Even if I feel uninspired and tell him a boring tale, he seems to love it, and I know that somehow this is imparting my love and beliefs to him.

And this is what traditions do at their best: They give a family or community a reason to come together and share their love and commonality with each other. This in turn gives an individual a sense of belonging. I want my boys to feel that being part of this family is important. When life gets tough I want them to have a place to come to and feel loved.

This is why we’ll have Thanksgiving and Christmas at home from now on, and I’ll be looking for ways to expand our old traditions, making them more meaningful to us. I’ll also be thinking about new traditions I can add throughout the year.

What are your traditions? Old or new? I would love to hear what your family does because it may give me ideas for my own. Please leave me a comment. And in the future, I’ll write about what kinds of traditions we have started or renewed.

Note: This column was first printed in the Barrow Journal on Wednesday, November 23, 2011. You can also view it online here.

And I hope all my American friends have a happy, warm, loving Thanksgiving!

Posted in Life Stories, Motherhood, My Newspaper Columns, Traditions / Rituals / Holidays | 11 Comments »

Tags: creating new family traditions, holidays, my newspaper columns, parenting, traditions

November 6, 2011

The Eastern King Snake & Our Snake Project

An Eastern King Snake. This photo is courtesy of Bill Peterman. Check out his wonderful herpetology photos by clicking here.

One of the main reasons I want to homeschool is so that I can allow my child’s interests to guide us in the learning process. As if to test me on this philosophy, my five-year-old son has taken a keen interest in snakes.

I have never been particularly fond of reptiles or amphibians, but truthfully I just never gave them much thought until I met one of my best friends who is a herpetologist. She shared her love of frogs, salamanders and snakes with me and though you still won’t find me out trying to catch any, I have a respect for the little critters.

Now my son is into them, and thanks to the Sandy Creek Nature Center in Athens, he gets to see and touch them quite often. We are taking classes out there, and we’ve been to snake day twice, and recently we went to Scary, Slimy, Oozy Day, which was their Halloween festival. It definitely satisfied my son’s slimy, oozy side.

A while back I bought my son two posters for his room at the Nature Center. One features photos of snakes and the other frogs. “Snakes of Georgia” hangs on his wall right next to his bed. Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking when I bought that poster, but seriously, I’m thrilled when he wants to learn about anything, snakes included.

And it’s funny how you can get used to “slimy and oozy” just like your nose gets used to bad smells. Now I’m kind of fascinated with snakes or at least one in particular: the Eastern Kingsnake.

I saw my first Eastern Kingsnake several weeks ago in our yard. I thought my cat was going after a lizard, and when I approached her to save the lizard, I saw it was really a baby snake. It was black with yellow strips – pretty, as far as snakes go. Unfortunately, the snake disappeared under a thick layer of leaves before my son could see it.

Curious, I ran upstairs to look at my son’s poster and found out that it was an Eastern Kingsnake, and I was relieved to note that it was not listed as venomous.

Several weeks later, my husband saw an Eastern Kingsnake while he was out jogging. It was near our house, so he ran to get us, and we watched the snake slither into the woods. I don’t know if it was the same snake that I saw, but it was also a small one.

Since then I have learned that Eastern Kingsnakes are very good snakes to have around. The main reason is because they eat venomous snakes, and a favorite meal is the copperhead. When I was at Slimy, Oozy Day, a UGA ecology student told me that copperheads are on the rise in Athens-Clarke County, and they think maybe one reason is because the Eastern Kingsnake is in decline.

I looked up the Eastern Kingsnake on the Savannah River Ecology Laboratory’s (SREL) Herpetology website, which is a great resource, if you’re interested in snakes or other reptiles or amphibians. This site describes Eastern Kingsnakes as “shiny-black, smooth-scaled snakes with white or yellow chain-link bands that cross the back and connect along the sides.”

I learned that Eastern Kingsnakes are resistant to the venom of pit-vipers, and they can eat copperheads, cottonmouths and rattlesnakes. They also eat lizards, rodents, birds and turtles eggs.

There is some concern that these snakes are in decline in some areas of the Coastal Plain and in Florida. The reason is unclear. There was once a large population of this snake near the Savannah River Site that has disappeared over the last 20 years.

So please take heed: If you see an Eastern Kingsnake in your yard, DO NOT KILL IT! In fact, you shouldn’t kill any snake. Most snakes are not venomous, and they are very beneficial. They eat rats, mice, insects and other pests.

According to Geoff Stein, author of “Snakes – Good for the Garden,” snakes do not damage the environment at all. “They don’t dig holes….They don’t chew or damage the landscape….They don’t contribute one bit to noise pollution,” he says. He goes on to point out that snakes will not bite unless stepped on, picked up or forced into a corner or otherwise threatened. Usually snakes just want to get away.

There are venomous snakes that we need to be wary of and usher out of our gardens, and if you’d like to learn more about those, the SREL website is a good place to go.

So, as scary, slimy and oozy as some of us think snakes are, we need to respect these creatures, who help balance the ecosystem in important ways.

This column was originally printed in the November 2, 2011 edition of the Barrow Journal.

***

OUR SNAKE PROJECT

Since my five-year-old loves snakes so much, I suggested another project for him. We’re making a “book” about snakes. We’re using his poster as a guide by going down the list from top to bottom. Our book is in a three-ring binder. We look up the snake online, and my son chooses a photo, and he writes the name of the snake on the page. Then I write in some facts about the snake. I hope that as he gets older and learns how to read, he’ll enjoy this little resource we’re making. (I always note where we get the information and give credit to the photographer, if possible.)

While we’re doing this, I read about the snake to my son, and he also likes to watch some video about the snake, if we can find one.

Would you be willing to visit a slimy and oozy world for the sake of your child’s passions?

Posted in Kindergarten, My Newspaper Columns, Project-based Homeschooling, Unschooling | 5 Comments »

Tags: eastern king snake, my newspaper columns, parenting, project-based homeschooling, snake project, unschooling

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Harris Shoals Park, Watkinsville, Georgia

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What qualifications do you think homeschooling parents need to possess?

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And I hope all my American friends have a happy, warm, loving Thanksgiving!

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