{Giving up a child for adoption} {Open adoption}
Kent and Liz van Wagtendonk want to grow their family through open adoption. (photo courtesy of Kent and Liz)
Note: This column is a little off-topic for me, especially since my audience consists mostly of homeschooling parents. However, as parents of children who fill our lives with joy, we can empathize with those who cannot have children. I hope for that reason you’ll help me spread the word about my dear friend who is wanting to adopt a child through open adoption. This was printed in the Barrow Journal on May 9, 2012.
I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to want a child and not be able to have one. Children are everywhere, yet the love you have in your heart has no place to rest. Unfortunately, this is happening to one of my dearest friends.
Have you ever met someone for the first time that you knew you wanted to be friends with? This is how I felt the first time I met my friend Liz. She has one of those personalities that makes you feel at home. Her kindness has no boundaries, and to top it off, she tells great stories.
Now she lives with her husband, Kent, in the foothills of Mariposa County, California on a four-acre property outside of Yosemite National Park. Kent is a fire geographer and works for Yosemite National Park, and he loves his job. Liz is a scientist and analyst for the Sierra Nevada mountain range. They are ready to grow their family, and they are trying to adopt a child through an open adoption.
In open adoption, the birthmother gets to choose the future parents for her unborn baby. If all parties feel they make a good match, the birthmother and adoptive parent(s) determine what their relationship will be once the baby arrives. They may only share photos, or they may visit one another several times a year. This agreement can evolve over the course of the child’s life.
I asked Liz and Kent why they chose open adoption, and they said, “We both felt that open adoption is the best path for our future child, the birthmother and us, and we feel it’s important for our child to know his or her birth family. He or she will understand that her birth family made the absolute best decision out of unconditional love.”
Liz and Kent both understand that deciding to give up a child is incredibly difficult, so they want potential birthmothers to get the resources they need when considering adoption. As Liz has written on her blog, “Family is what you make of it.” Knowing Liz personally, I have no doubt that a future birthmother will be welcomed into their family, if the birthmother would like to have a relationship with them.
As Liz explained to me, in open adoption, the adoptive parents typically have a website, blog and other social media outlets to get the word out that they are adopting. Liz and Kent have had their adoption agency website up and running for about eight months. Unfortunately, they haven’t had anyone contact them.
Waiting is, of course, the hardest part. Since a birthmother has to pick them, they have no idea if or when they’ll get picked. “The uncertainty makes this part of the adoption process emotionally difficult because you have no idea what the outcome will be,” Liz said.
She also explained that they could get a call at any moment from a birthmother telling them the baby is born and to come pick it up! Apparently, this isn’t uncommon, so they have to stay prepared.
While 50% of the clients do adopt within the first year of having their website go live, about 10% of the clients have been waiting more than two years and some much longer. A few have given up. Since Liz and Kent have been waiting for seven months without one e-mail, phone call or text message, they are hoping that they won’t end up in the latter group.
As her friend, I feel a bit helpless, but I can write a column and ask you, dear readers, to help spread the word. Share this column or Liz and Kent’s website around in your social circles or online networks even if you don’t think there’s anybody out there who needs the information. You never know whom they might know, and you might help a child find a wonderful home.
Liz and Kent’s website is at http://www.iheartadoption.org/users/knl2008, and their blog is at http://kentnlizadopting.wordpress.com/. And by the way, their agency is licensed in Georgia, so even though they could adopt from anywhere, the process to adopt from this state would be a little easier. Other states their agency is licensed in is California, Texas, Indiana and North Carolina.
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I’d like to include a story about Liz that wasn’t in my column.
I met Liz fourteen years ago when we both worked at the Ben Epps Airport in Athens, Georgia. Though a thankless job, it was one of the best jobs I ever had largely because of the people who worked there. It’s the only job I’ve ever had where all the employees truly worked as a team (despite all the office jobs where the bosses tried to foster a team spirit). Liz was a big part of this camaraderie, and as soon as she was hired, I knew I wanted to be her friend.
This job was not a career choice for either of us, and it wasn’t long before Liz left to pursue her true calling in science. Yet while she lived in Athens, she was going through some rough times, and she took a job at the homeless shelter too. This isn’t a job many people could do. I remember she had to spend some nights there and more than once she had to call the police. Yet, just like her spirit at the airport, she took her job seriously, and she truly cared about the people she encountered, and she got me to care about them too.
There was a couple who met at the shelter, and while Liz was working there, they managed to get jobs and move out into a rental home together. They invited Liz to their housewarming party, and Liz invited me and some of her other friends to go with her. It was an experience I’ll never forget, and I can say this for sure: Liz showed me many parts of this world that I would not have seen otherwise. Whether it be people in misfortune, an endangered salamander, heartache, genuine friendship, or a mountain view, I’ll never forget the moments I’ve shared with her.
She will make an extraordinary mother, and though I know that giving up a child must be one of the most painful things a woman choses to do, I would like to say to any potential birthmother: Liz will understand you, and you couldn’t be placing your child into better hands.
